Christmas is coming...

I saw this blog from another parent that was talking about how they only give their kids 3 gifts for Christmas as a way to simplify the holiday and help them be less stressed.  It reminded me of when I was a kid and when all the presents were under the tree, it was a huge mound of gifts!  It makes me wonder now how stressed my parents were during the holiday's.  Were they always really stressed to make sure we had a good Christmas?  Did they stop buying when it became too stressful to go shopping?  Or did they really want to get us that many gifts.  Now there were 5 of us kids, so that's a lot to begin with, but when I say there was a mound..some years there was a MOUND of gifts.  I like to think that it made them really happy to do that for us and that buying and wrapping them was fun.  I remember when I got old enough to start wrapping gifts, my mom would enlist my help to get everyone's gifts wrapped, but obviously not my own :)  She taught me how to wrap and make it look really pretty with ribbons and bows.  That is a really happy memory for me.  After a while, even my brothers had me wrap the gifts they got others.  It was really fun for me, and I still love wrapping today.  I take a lot of pride in a good wrapping job, and while it probably sounds a little odd, it always reminds me of back then. 
Now that the girls are getting older and Isabelle is starting to understand way more about Christmas and Santa, I really want to start some traditions that we couldn't before.  Now being that there's my side, and also Grant's side, we have to do a little juggling to make sure we can spend time with both sides.  But it works out amazing for us because my side does Christmas Eve, and his side does Christmas Day.  So we just had to find a time in between that where we could do our own.  We found Christmas Day in the morning is the perfect time.  So what we're going to start this year is reading The Night Before Christmas as a bedtime story on Christmas Eve with the girls' bedtimes, put them down, fill the stockings, and put the presents out from Santa.  Until then, the only presents that will be under the tree will be from family and from us.  Then when we all get up Christmas Day, we'll have our Christmas opening of gifts and stockings.  If anyone is getting together on his side, we can usually make that as it's in the afternoon/evening.  Then they'll have the rest of the day to play.  I think it's going to work out great! 
One thing about me is I'm a giver.  I love giving things to make people happy; whether it's things like toys or just a compliment or kind word.  I'm always wanting to give my girls a ton of toys for Christmas and birthdays because I know it makes them happy, especially now that Izzy is old enough to want certain things.  But I don't want it to become a chore and not fun to buy them.  Plus, I don't want them to become ungrateful because they didn't get a certain toy.  This year, we only bought a few toys for the girls and they're all apart of a larger plan.  The reason itself was more to save on money because the holiday's have a tendency to sink us for the next 3 or 4 months between Thanksgiving and Christmas.  But I think I'm going think about buying the gifts with another frame of mind.  Instead of thinking that I have to get them a crap ton of toys or certain ones, I'll try and think in the "quality, not quantity" mindset.  It's hard because shopping for me is really fun and I'd buy them everything under the sun if I could.  But we're obviously not exactly rich so our wallets cant handle that lol I don't think I could ever stop at just 3, but maybe put a 5-10 item limit for each girl or something... just a number that's more attainable for me to be happy with what I've gotten and not feel like I should have gotten more.  I think that way, once the girls get older and start asking for certain things, they'll learn to prioritize what they want and always be grateful they got something instead of getting mad that they only got 10 gifts instead of 50 or something.  I always want my children to be grateful for the things they have and not focus on the things they don't.  Hopefully Grant and I can instill that in them early on... I think this is a good start anyway!  Maybe in the years ahead we'll have them donate a toy or two to those in need during the holidays too.  But plans like that are for another day.  :)

Bedtime - Trials and a whole lot of errors

For the last few nights, Kensi had been going down really nice, and staying down all night too!  She had been getting up a couple times a night, and every night.  And some nights it wasn't just one or two times.  No, it was 3 or 4 times.  That, coupled with being this pregnant, made the days (and sometimes my temper) really long.  Then Isabelle started doing it too.  I knew something had to be up...she hadn't woken up at night in a long time.  So I started trying to think of what it could be.  Was it because they sometimes went to sleep really mad and crying?  Or because they were cold?  Or was it really just a phase that needed to run its course.  The phase seemed to be the most likely for Kensi, and for a long time I just wrote it off as that.  But with Isabelle, I thought it had to be something that was waking her up.  And she wasn't awake when she got up, she was still more than half asleep.  So she'd come into our room, I'd pick her up and bring her back to bed, and she'd go right down.  Started actually looking at their room when I put them back to bed to see if I could spot anything amiss.  I noticed a few times that Izzy's comforter was on the floor.  So I asked her one morning if she was waking up because she was cold.  She said yes.  Half a lightbulb went off, and that night, I gave her a bigger spare blanket.  It's nice and warm too, so I thought if that was the culprit, the blanket should fix it.  Lo and behold, she hasn't woken up in the middle of the night since.  After patting myself on the back for figuring it out, I turned my attention back to Kensi.  I wasn't really ready to give up on it being just a phase yet.  I had tried so many different things, and even made slight changes to their bedtime routine.  The base of the routine itself has always stayed the same; after supper, the girls get a little play time until about 630p which is bath time.  They take a bath from 630p to 7p, then I get them out, jammered, and get their teeth brushed....now this is where I was having a bit of trouble.  I couldn't seem to figure out the best activity for them in the time between their teeth bring brushed and actually going to bed.  They had stopped wanting to be read to, and instead wanted to read themselves.  So for a bit, I was letting them read in bed.  I had the main light out and just the lamp on.  But soon that became a chore for me because they weren't settling down and Kensi was getting out of bed multiple times.  Talk about frustration city!  So I stopped with books completely and broke them up.  Right after teeth brushing, Kensi went down first and Isabelle went downstairs to watch her show for some quiet time before bed.  That seemed to help because Kensi no longer had her playmate to keep her riled up; and that was the biggest problem. They'd get so riled up that they weren't at all calm when it hit bedtime.  Then it was keeping Kensi in bed and not coming out right away.  I knew that would just take time, and there's no easy fixes.  So I just dealt with that, and the times where I was getting frustrated, Grant took over for me or he put her down.  But after a while of that, Isabelle started having tantrums about going to bed.  So Grant started to put them down together again.  At first, I was adamantly against it.  I had worked so hard to establish a routine for them, and here he was messing it all up.  But the man is smart!  It didn't make Kensi do a complete 180, but he got the point across to her that bedtime meant bedtime and we were serious.  So for a while, we had to basically hold her like a baby in our arms, rocking in the chair, and hold her still so she couldn't move or wiggle around.  Not the nicest method, but it got the point across.  We only had to do that for a short time (in comparison to everything else) before she got the memo and we no longer need to.  I wanted to start reading to them again because I missed the cuddle time, so on one of our errands, I had let them both pick out a book.  Isabelle wanted Peter Pan and Kensi grabbed Aladdin.  Now, after getting teeth brushed and being ready for bed, I grab one or both books, have both of them on my lap (which is not easy!), and read the book.  It's a nice long one so they're nice and calm and relaxed by the time I'm done.  Sometimes Kensi doesn't even make it through the whole book before she wiggles off of my lap and goes to lay down.  After the story, I turn out the lamp, sing Isabelle her song (I made up a song for her and one for Kensi), give her hugs and kisses, go to Kensi and do the same thing if she wants, then I can walk out of the room without having to sit right by the door in case Kensi comes out.  I can go downstairs and do stuff.  Sometimes she still comes down, but after I put her back to bed the first (and sometimes second) time, she stays.  But the middle of the night was still a struggle.  So when Isabelle told me she was waking up because she was cold, and that half a lightbulb went off....the rest of it went off when I thought maybe that was the reason she was waking up.  Made sense.  If one girl is cold, chances are both could be.  So I started turning up the heat at night.  Once I did that, she stopped waking up!!  For 4 nights in a row, she slept through the night and would get up at like 630/7a...which is a perfectly ok time for her to wake up.  Granted it's early for me, but she'll come in bed with me and we'll snuggle...sometimes she'll fall back asleep and sometimes she wont.  Now we need to make sure the house is a little warmer at night.  We probably wouldn't have to if she would keep blankets on her, but for some reason she does not want a blanket over her.  If we try and put one on her, she immediately says no and takes it off.  But at least, for now, I've got her sleeping through the night.  Big high five to me!!

This ain't easy!!

The day is over, and everyone is in bed....well everyone except me, of course.  I had to pick up from the day, and just do a couple odds and ends that I hadn't gotten done before.  But both girls are all fresh faced and sleeping soundly.  Even Grant is sleeping, which isn't surprising since he's been go go go all weekend.  Normally, I view weekends as a sort of reprieve of having to do everything by myself.  Grant is home and I can ask him for help doing things, or just have him take point on the girls so I can sit for a while.  But this weekend, it's been like he's been at work the whole time.  He's been helping a friend remodel a room in his mom's house.  So he's been leaving around 8:30am and not getting home until right at supper, or even after.  So it's been up to me to do everything; keep the house clean, plan and make the meals, do any shopping that needs to be done, and tonight I had to get the girls in bed by myself too.  Normally it's not too terrible, but it's getting harder the more pregnant I'm becoming.  It really helps to have Grant push the cart with either or both girls in it and I can just walk.  Since he wasn't home to help, I had to do it myself.  It was only about an hour that we were gone, but at the end it felt like 4 hours.  I got home and my back was just killing me.  I was able to sit down for a little bit, but then I had to get up and make supper, then do the dishes, then get the girls in bath, get them out and in jammers, brush teeth, then read story before bed.  Thank God they went down really nice, that helps a lot.  Now I have a moment to myself to where I can get some of these thoughts down that have been pinging around in my head.
As I said before, being a stay at home mom is getting almost harder the more pregnant I am.  I'm almost 8 months, and it's really starting to feel that way.  Normally, I'm tired and that's about as far as it goes.  But now, I'm starting to hurt when I'm up too long.  So it's really a balance between resting and putting my feet up and making sure the house is still running.  When Grant took this job a few years ago, I knew the time he was away would be a little harder on me because I really had to step up to the plate.  Until recently, it wasn't bad.  But I know these last couple months until the baby is born is going to suck major ass for me.  It's hard enough to not see another adult, let alone have an adult conversation, for days at a time, but also factor in the physical part...and it's a whole new ballgame.  It's been a little bit of a struggle not to get mad when Grant says he wants to go out with friends, or he's been asked to help with something.  And it's not because I think he's doing anything wrong...not by a long shot.  It's more of me being a little selfish and thinking "what about me??".  I haven't really been able to hang out with friends for a while now.  I cant go out for a beer with anyone, and just even being out and about is hard enough.  But it doesn't stop the want and it doesn't keep the loneliness at bay when it starts to creep up.  I'm sure anyone that's a stay at home mom can agree that you get lonely after a while when the only other adults you see are shoppers at grocery stores or the cashiers.  I've started to almost become dependent on Grant to be that other adult when he's home...even though I know he's had a hard week and just wants to relax or get some stuff done that he's been putting off.  One good thing about me is that I know when I'm being foolish and I can stop that line of thinking before it comes out and he starts to worry that I'm not happy with how our life is.  But I am.  I may bitch and moan a lot, but at the end of the day, I still love being at home with my girls.  I cant imagine going back to work full time and missing all the moments that I've been able to be apart of.  It's just adding being pregnant and hormonal to the mix is really throwing me for a loop.  But I know I just have to get through these next couple months and I wont be as sore and achy as I am now.  I can go back to being "me" and not this sometimes hormonal mess that I seem to be becoming.  I know my hormones can be out of whack for a while, but at least I'll be able to bathe my children without my back killing me or my legs starting to hurt.  I'll be able to walk up the stairs with a basket of laundry without breathing like I've run a marathon.  I just have to keep reminding myself that it will get better, and it will be fun like it was before.  I love being pregnant, and I love being a stay at home mom....but the two together aren't exactly a picnic lol

****DISCLAIMER**** I don't resent Grant for anything and I don't hate staying home anymore.  My hormonal side hates when he goes out, by my logical side knows better.  I don't want anyone to think that I'm starting to resent him or actually get mad.  I'm not.  I still love him, and my life.  But it helps to vent out when things are hard so it doesn't fester. 

Yes, I'm pregnant and hormonal...but that's not a pass

I was reading a "15 Things Pregnant Women Need To Stop Doing" type of article on Facebook (I know, what a surprise lol) and there were a lot of "stop comparing themselves to other moms" and "posting their weekly update on the baby" type things, which I know are serious, but those are in almost every one of those types of lists.  I know I'm guilty of things that are on those lists, but one of the ones I've been waiting to see is never on there; the "quit being a bitch to everyone, especially you're significant other" one.  I didn't get very hormonal with Kensi and Izzy, but with Baby Boy, I'm all sorts of hormonal.  There have been times where I've snapped at Grant or something the girls did made me way more upset than it would have usually.  Thank God that Grant is very understanding and isn't holding it against me.  I know when the crazy is coming on, and for the most part, I can tamp it down and calm myself before it comes out.  But when I cant, and I know I'm being irrational, believe me I feel really bad afterwards.  But what I have never and will never do is use being pregnant as an excuse to be a bitch to Grant or anyone else just because.  It doesn't give women a pass to be total snots and turn into mega divas.  I couldn't imagine waking Grant up at 3am to go get me something to eat; whether from the fridge or the store.  To me, that's just ludicrous!  I would never ridicule him for how he made a meal as long as it was edible, and I sure as shit don't expect him to make it just so either.  I'm happy as hell that he made supper or lunch, or whatever it may be.  Even when he brings me a snack when I didn't ask because he knows I'm hungry (because let's face it I always am) I get super sappy and lovey.  I mean seriously, if I want a sandwich, then I'll go and make it myself.  The only way I'd ask Grant to do it (and notice I said ask, not make) is if my back was killing me or there was something that was making it really hard to get up.  Otherwise, I'm pregnant.....not disabled. 
There is nothing preventing women from getting up off the couch and getting things themselves.  I don't expect him to get everything for me, or all of the sudden do all the housework either.  I still do the laundry and make sure the house is clean and make supper almost every night.  Grant works really hard, and some days he's had a really long day.  Why would I want to pile more stuff on him when I'm perfectly capable of doing it like I have been?
So women, if you're pregnant like me, and you find yourself doing this....KNOCK IT THE FUCK OFF!!!  Yes, you are carrying his/her (if surrogate or gay) child, and yes that is tiring, but it doesn't give you the right to turn into some obnoxious, overbearing, demanding shrew to your man.  Make sure you tend to his needs too.  It's not all about you, you didn't climb on top of yourself and get pregnant.  It's his child as well as yours, remember that.  Do not demean him or demand some ridiculous thing from him, and for all that is friggin holy....make sure he knows that you appreciate him.  Your relationship isn't put on hold because you're pregnant.  You still have to care for it like you are caring for the child inside of you. 

If you need "me time", tell me...dont lie.

One night, I was scrolling mindlessly through Facebook, and reading those "31 crazy wedding stories" and the like.  I came across one that was titled something like "lies spouses tell each other".  I clicked on it, cuz hey I'm curious!  One of them that caught my eye was that the father sometimes went to the bar before going home so that he could have some wind down time before he transitioned into being "daddy" and told his wife that he had to work late.  To me, that's just mean and a little selfish.  Now, I get needing that "me time".  Being a stay at home mom, I get very little of it and sometimes I just need to be by myself.  But I would never keep that away from Grant.  He knows when I need to just decompress.  If the wife is a stay at home mom, chances are she's waiting for him to get home because she's been on duty all day and needs some help.  For anyone that thinks that all we do is sit around all day eating bon bons, watching TV, and getting in a good couch dent...um no.  I'm usually go go go from the moment I wake up.  Not very often do I get to sit and watch something I want.  If anything, it's always kid shows.  And if I am watching my show, then I still have two toddlers crawling all over me, literally.  If I were to find out that Grant was telling me he had to work late, only to find out that he's been sitting at a bar for a few hours, I'd be mad.  Not only because he thinks he needs to lie to me (which we have never done with each other), but because it is very unfair to me to just not come home.  If he needed time away that bad, text me and tell me.  I've told him many times that he needs to get out with the boys.  I've been really working on being ok when he goes out with the boys, too.  It's not often, and while I would like some time too, I know that he is telling me his needs and I need to respect them.  I hope that not a lot of men do this to their wives, because in my opinion, it's not exactly fair.

I am a wife and mother

I am a wife an mother.  I make sure laundry is done twice a week even though I know I should be resting.  I am a wife and mother.  I make sure my family is fed during the week without fail.  I am a wife and mother.  I make sure my kids brush their teeth and get baths every day.  I am a wife and mother.  I keep track of the groceries that we are out of or running out of.  I am a wife and mother.  I make sure my kids get outside and play.  I am a wife and mother.  I make sure my husband has his work clothes all washed and ready for the upcoming work week.  I am a wife and mother.  I put my own needs aside for the needs of my family.  I am a wife and mother.  I keep the house clean even on days where I'd rather be doing anything else.  I am a wife and mother.  I operate on very little sleep because I have no other choice.  I am a wife and mother.  I play with my kids even when there was so many things that need to get done.  I am a wife and mother.  For me, there is no such thing as a sick day.  I am a wife and mother.  I have two little girls that depend on me to keep them safe.  I am a wife and mother.  I hold the fort down while my husband works very hard each and every day.  I am a wife and mother.  I try to make sure dinner is either ready or almost ready when my husband gets home from work.  I am a wife and mother.  I stay up with my husband to spend quality time with him when I haven't seen him all week even though I have had a very long day and would love to sleep.  I am a wife and mother.  I kiss boo boos every day and wipe tears when my kids get hurt.  I am a wife and mother.  I love unconditionally, yet will dole out punishment if and when needed.  I am a wife and mother.  I am rewarded by "I love you mommy" and hugs and kisses and my husband telling me how much loves and appreciates me.  I am a wife and mother.  I do it each and every day because I love my family and would do anything for them.

Don't say it unless you mean it

**DISCLAIMER** Nobody has actually said this to me today, it was just a random thought I had while doing dishes......

You know what's super annoying?  When I'm talking to someone on Facebook, or through text, and they say something like "we need to get together!  I haven't seen you in forever!" or "We need to get the kids together and have a play date!".  I don't know if what's people feel like they should say to be nice, or if they actually mean it.  I'm all for getting together, even if it's just hanging out at someone's house and watching TV.  Or getting the kids together!  The girls haven't been to daycare in over a year now, so they don't get to play with kids their own age; with the exception of their cousin Mason.  So any other social interaction they can get is amazing!  For the longest time, I'd actually try and pin something down.  Or I'd tell someone to let me know when they have some time, and we'll get together, only to just never hear about it again.  I don't have a schedule.  As Grant says, I have nothing but time.  The only thing I have going on that I need to schedule around is my OB appointments for Tiny Peanut.  But other than that, I have absolutely no plans for the day.  I figure stuff out on the fly.  So nobody really has to work around me.  Since I have a lot of time, I also have no problem working around anybody else's schedules. 
I'm sure it's not intentional, and just time goes by without people realizing that a month has gone by without a word about it.  Well, I should hope it's not intentional.  If it is, then I'd feel like the most unwanted person alive!  :)  I'm actually looking forward to Isabelle starting school in the next couple years so she can start making friends and being able to play with them.  When we buy a house, I really hope that she finds friends that she can go over and play like I used to do as a kid.  Until then, I guess it'll just be us 3.

She's only 3 and I'm already stressing!

A while ago, my little brother told me that the school districts was changing it's policy about what kids have to be able to do by the time they hit Kindergarten.  From what I understand, what was taught in Kindergarten is now being taught in Preschool..and kids now have to be able to write their names, know the alphabet, be able to count...and a few other things I cant remember before they start Preschool.  Now, I haven't really been working with Izzy on a lot of that stuff.  We do when it comes on from her show, or just in day to day life.  But I haven't really sat her down and tried to actually teach her.  I try to when we're chilling on the couch, but her attention span isn't the best right now. 
I do understand why the need to be able to write their names, but what gets me is why they decided to make kids know more before they even hit school.  I know it's not the schools job to teach my children EVERYTHING, and that it's my job too.  But I'm already stressing that she wont be able to meet the requirements since it's more strict now.  Does that mean she wont get into Kindergarten when she's 5?  Do I really need to get her into Preschool when I honestly had no intention of doing so?  Do I need to start sitting her down more and trying to teach her..and when should I start that??  I know I already have enough to worry about; new baby, cost of new baby, getting a down payment together for a house, finding/buying a house...the list goes on.  Guess this now gets added to that list!

Are we playing with fire?

It's still crazy to me that we're already pregnant with our last baby.  Such a bittersweet pregnancy; super exciting to be pregnant again as I've missed it, but also it is our last baby so I wont be able to experience pregnancy again...well unless we have an oops or something.  But it has me thinking too.  We have such an amazing family dynamic with the two girls and Ace.  We can "tag team" them if we need to, and each girl has bonded more with a certain parent; Kensi to me and Isabelle to Grant.  We're such a happy family right now, is a new baby going to mess that up?  I like to think it wont, and of course our dynamic is going to change, but I'm still a little worried about it.  Could be because I'm a worry wart anyway, but hey...I wouldn't be me if I didn't worry :)  Our house is so full of love and happiness, and the new baby certainly wont change that either.  In a perfect world, both girls would absolutely love the new baby and nobody would feel left out.  I wont lie, that's exactly what I'm going to shoot for when baby comes.  Making sure that I still have time for each girl and that we play together too.  I never want my children to feel like Mommy doesn't have time for them, or that I love one child more than the others.  I know I'm not Super Mommy, but I'm hoping that I can help keep our dynamic pretty close to how it is now, with everyone being happy and knowing how much Mommy and Daddy love them!

I show my anger to the girls

Some days around my house are glorious; we all wake up happy, the girls are so good and eat their meals, I have every meal figured out beforehand, and no one gets into trouble.  Those are the days that make up for the ones that are not so glorious.  But I'm a realist, I know there are going to be days where I want to tear my hair out.  Or there will be certain things that happen that make me want to scream at the top of my lungs.  Take today for instance.  Some backstory: Grant knows how much I love Willow Folk.  So for each girls birth, he has bought me one to celebrate it, and he's bought me one for a couple other things too.  Today, Kensi decided to grab the one that celebrates her birth.  It is one where the mother is kneeling down beside the husband, who is sitting on the floor holding the baby.  Both girls know they aren't supposed to remotely touch them.  So I'm in the office printing some pictures, and doing other random things I've been meaning to get done.  I hear some beeping and know that they're messing with the dehumidifier, another no no.  So I get up, and right as I come around the corner, Kensi bolts from the dehumidifier into the kitchen, holding my Willow Folk figurine.  I barely am able to breathe in to tell her to give it to me, and she just chucks it on the floor, breaking the arms, and a leg off.  I now have red in my vision.  I am so mad, I cant even begin to tell you.  Being 9 weeks pregnant as well, my anger just skyrockets so fast!  My first knee jerk reaction is to start screaming at her.  But I don't.  Screaming at my kids wont do anything but make them afraid of me, something that I have never, ever wanted.  I do something that's very effective, but also breaks my heart a little.  I raise my voice, and tell Kensi in a very stern tone to come stand in front of me.  Just by that alone, she knows she's in big trouble.  The fat lip comes out, and she keeps trying to hide behind her sister.  I walk over, grab her hand, and walk her to where my beautiful, broken figurine lays.  After three quick paddles to the butt, I begin to tell her what she did wrong and that she was naughty.  The tears come fast and big.  It always hurts my heart a little whenever I have to do it, but I think that her being able to see how upset/frustrated I am also drives home that what she did was naughty.  She can actually see the effect of what she did.  If I'm always super calm, I don't think it quite registers that mommy is mad.  Telling my kids in a happy voice I'm mad isn't going to do anything, they'll probably think it's a new game.  But there's a difference in showing my anger and SHOWING my anger.  I have to take a couple steps back, count to 10 (or whatever), and wait until I don't see a lot of red anymore.  Then at least they know that mommy isn't scary and still loves them.  Some days, it takes a lot of counting!

Yay! Cat's out of the bag!

Been waiting to do this post until I made the announcement to everyone in person and also on social media.  But it's so crazy that we're expecting another bundle of joy!  I think back, and it seems like such a long time ago that I was dreaming of the day I would start to have kids.  And now I'm pregnant with what is going to probably be our last child.  When Grant and I talked about having kids, I said I wanted a big family.  I was talking like 5 kids.  He...not so much.  He said that 3 was his max.  I'm ok with that since it still makes for a pretty big family.  I've always said I didn't want too much of an age difference between each child.  I grew up with brothers that were close in age to me, and I loved it.  The biggest age gap was between me and my little brother; 6 years.  Izzy will be 4 when this one comes a long and I didn't want any more than 5 years between the last two kids.  I'm really hoping this one is a boy.  It's kind of our last chance to get a boy.  If the pregnancy itself can be any indication (and I know it's not always right), this one could be.  Where both pregnancies with the girls were about the same...like I had the same symptoms, this one is different.  With the girls, I didn't really have very many cravings, and my senses weren't that heightened.  This one, I'm having cravings left and right, plus my sense of smell is so much stronger.  But I know that doesn't necessarily mean it'll be a boy.  The old wives tale about if the baby has a full head of hair, I'd get heartburn turned out to be false when I was pregnant with one of the girls.  They both came out with full heads of hair, and I only had heartburn with one of them.  I'm not that far along, but I already am making sure I write things down for the baby book.  Not going to buy one until I know the sex of the baby.  Just like with the girls, I have to know.  I'm such a planner that I need to know what color clothes and such I need to get.  A great thing about having them so close is I don't need to buy any of the big toys, like high chair, bouncer, jumper, swing..ect.  We didn't get rid of any of that after the girls.  It's a good thing, because we hadn't planned on having another baby quite yet.  We weren't doing the "if it happens, it happens" mentality this time.  We're still really excited and happy about it, though.  We don't really think there's the perfect time to have a baby.  We've always said you're never fully ready for a baby, you just have to jump into it.  We mean more that you're financially stable and stable in your relationship too, not that just because you want a baby, but you cant afford to put food on the table or that your relationship is rocky at best...to just go ahead and have one.  We're not quite where we wanted to be yet, but that's ok!  This one may have come a little earlier than we anticipated, but it's already so loved!

A few thoughts about hitting girls

I was watching "Daddy's Home" a while ago, and in one scene, both the step dad and real dad are trying to teach the son how to defend himself against a 4th grade bully.  A little farther along into the movie, it is revealed that the bully is actually a girl.  Then everyone gets all up in arms over hitting a girl.  Now, I'm a girl, and it is a little surprising to me that I actually think this way.  My question is, why is it not ok to hit a girl if they're the ones throwing punches first?  It's been passed down through generations that it is never ok to hit a girl.  Boys, yes throw down.  But girls have always been a different story.  It came around (I assume) when girls were universally believed to be the weaker sex and couldn't really fend for themselves, and they needed a man to take care of them.  So at that time, yes I get why.  But now?  Not so much.  Women have made huge strides in becoming equal to men, and there are so groups out there to make women equal to men in every way.  But this seems to be one thing that no woman has ever come forward and really said "you know what, it's ok to hit a woman.  If she's being a bitch and deserves it, then throw down."  I don't feel that women should really pick and choose on what issues they're equal to men.  It should be an all or nothing deal.  But then again, maybe something like that will always be just a thought, and nothing more.

What I want for Mother's Day

As soon as it gets close to Mother's Day, I start seeing all these posts and commercials about what to get Mom. Most of them end up being spa days and things of the like. I've found that that kind of gift isn't really what I want.
What I really want is quite simple. Give me a meal or two out, a card, and maybe a small gift. This year I wanted stackable mom's rings with my girls name on it..one for each with an option to add another one when we go for a 3rd baby. I don't need or want a full day away from my family either. First few hours are cool, but I'd start missing them and want to get back home to them. I love spending time with my girls, why would I want to leave? 
I also don't need a huge gift either. To me, spending a ton of money to show me you appreciate me is wasteful. We can use that money to save for a house or pay down a credit card. Not quite as glamorous, but much better for our future.
Words and actions speak so much louder than things.  If you want me to know you love and appreciate me, tell me with a mushy cards with your own words in it. I'll cherish that forever!

I am legitimately scared....

So the new thing on the block is that bill that passed for transgender people to use certain bathrooms.  Been causing a big uproar and many people are mad about it.  Now that it's happening, there's also news that people are using that to try and attack women and whatnot.  What the fuck??  I mean, really??  Is this what our society is coming to?  I get that a lot of these people could have a mental illness and may not act like this if they didn't.  Or maybe they would, I have no idea. Anyway, it makes me super scared for me and my girls.  Growing up, I didn't have any troubles with anyone around me.  I played in the park by myself, I went for walks around the "long block" in my hometown of Mapleton, ND, I rode bike all the way to the Coop with absolutely no troubles.  Nowadays, it's like everywhere you turn, there's some story about some person either watching, or trying to approach kids and attacking women.  I want to give my kids the freedoms that I had growing up.  My parents trusted that I wouldn't do anything stupid when I was out playing.  But now, I'm not so sure that I'll be able to.  Maybe none of the things I see in the news will affect us.  But I'd be remiss to actually think nothing like that could touch my life.  Things happen all over, and it very well could happen in Fargo.  Seems like as the years go by, people get more and more dangerous. It just makes me sick.  What happened to people leaving each other the hell alone, and actually being nice to one another.  With the age of technology advancement came all the bullshit too.  Nothing seems to be sacred and it's so much easier to prey on people.  As always, I know times have changed.  Nothing is as it used to be, and that makes me sad.

Thank you to those that respond back to my daughter.

Dear people who indulge my 3 year old when she decides to talk to you.  Thank you.  To the man who was stopped next to us at the stoplight, to the Walmart cashier who did his/her best to have a conversation with her while we were checking out, to the random people that walk by and she says "hi" to you 40 times.  I know it can get a bit annoying, but thank you....really.  My little girl loves talking to people and it just makes her day when someone talks back to her.  She gets so excited and always tells Grant or I that she "said hi to peoples".  The smile that lights her face just makes me happy.  Rest assured, if she starts getting to be a little much or she just wont stop, I will ask her to stop.  I love that my little girl is so social.
When we were leaving the park yesterday, there was a mom who was standing right next to her.  As she got into the wagon, she said bye to this mom.  The mom didn't even bat an eye.  Izzy, being herself, just kept saying it in hopes she would look at her and say bye back.  But she didn't.  To you I say shame on you.  You have kids yourself, even ones that are older than mine.  You know how they are and you know how they can love talking to people.  I know it's not your "duty" to say anything back, but it is common decency.  I don't ask you to carry on a 5 minute conversation with her.  I was just hoping you would say something back so she knows that you aren't ignoring her.  But you didn't.  You just stood right next to her, watching your child on the playground (which I commend you for making sure your child was safe), letting her say bye to you over and over.  I'm trying to teach my girls that there is good in people and to always be nice, and you didn't help.  So thanks for that.  You're not helping.

Political Debates

Grant got into it tonight with a friend on Facebook about politics...well got into it isn't the right phrase. He actually debated with this guy. I was a little surprised because I don't see an actual debate anymore. Now, it seems like any political post that's done on Facebook is met with insults, name calling, and just being straight up disrespectful. I don't get why is so ungodly offensive for someone to have a different view or opinion from someone else. I kept up with that conversation because it was entertaining, plus I liked the different views.
I don't usually post anything political because of the risk I'll get slammed for it. But I have an idea...ready? If someone posts something that is a different view than yours, and you plan on commenting something that isn't much more than insults or saying it's stupid, how about you just keep scrolling....k?

Hot Cars

Now with the weather starting to warm up, albeit very slowly, I see a lot of posts on Facebook about leaving babies and pets in hot cars.  Along with some of those are comments that the person wouldn't feel bad at all for breaking a window to let the animal out.  Now, for the most part I'm with you.  But I just hope that before any window smashing or calls to CPS, you'd actually check to make sure the child/pet is in danger.  I know times have changed (and by a ton!), but sometimes the child/pet is in absolutely no danger and doesn't need to be rescued. It almost saddens me that people now have to put a sign up on the window that says things like "My mom/dad just ran in quick and left the AC on so I am just fine. Please don't break the glass!". It makes me think that the phrase "it takes a village..." is taken a bit too seriously.
Before we had kids, Ace came with Grant and I almost everywhere we went when we ran errands.  He loved coming with!  But we only did it if we weren't going to be in the store for very long.  Trips to the grocery store or the mall, he stayed home.  But if we went to the gas station, or the bank...places like that, he'd come with.  When we went into the store, we'd always make sure to leave the car running with the air conditioner on or a window open if it was a cool enough day to not need the AC.  Now that we have the girls, it can be a huge pain in the butt to lug them in and out of stores if I'm only running in for 1 or 2 things.  Sometimes it would take longer to get them out of the car than it would for me to just run in quick.  They usually want to bring a toy or stuffed animal with to entertain themselves on the way and it just makes more sense to leave them in the car while I run in quick.  But I'm so worried some nosy Nelly is going to see me go in, see the girls in the car and immediately call me in...even if they are not in any danger at all.  I don't like that feeling.

I guess what this whole post boils down to is this:  If you see an animal or a child in the car and you know the parent is in the store...make sure they are in danger before you take action.  Sometimes it warrants intervention, and sometimes it doesn't.

I dont get it

It's probably not much of a secret that when I drink wine, I get really reflective.  That happened again tonight.  I was trying to put that I went to a certain college, but it posted to Facebook as though I had just started.  Someone who I thought was a supremely close friend of mine commented that she was really happy for me and that she hoped it was for teaching or something.  The first thing I thought was are you actually happy for me? because I haven't talked to said person in a long time.  I left the place we worked at, and our friendship went downhill from there.  Friendship is kind of a hot topic for me because I cant seem to keep any friends that I've made after high school.  I can only seem to keep two friends, and even one of them seems to be dicey here and there.  I don't like that someone who I thought was a great friend of mine, only to decide someone else is a better friend, comments on just some of the things I post.  Especially when I see them at a store, and it seems like they cant get away from me fast enough.  ok it probably wasn't me personally, but it's still how it seemed.  We had so much in common and we got along so great, and I seriously thought I'd have this friend in my close circle forever, and it just doesn't seem to be happening.  And I hate that.  I hate that we drifted so far apart to where we don't even communicate outside of the Facebook world.  That makes me sadder than she probably knows..or even cares.  She has her own little world now and I just don't seem to be apart of it anymore.  I hate that, but I guess that's how it's going to be.  I can either deal with it, or just delete her and say fuck it...but chances are I'll get a request from her later on if I delete her anyway...sigh.  I hate my friendship status some days.

I wont do that!

It's amazing how many things you thought you'd never do...you actually end up doing.  Ever since I've wanted kids, I've always had this list in my mind about the things I would and would not do.  I'd hear of people doing certain things with their kids and think to myself I'd never do that!.  Little did I know that what I did or did not want to do completely clashed with reality.  I've always wanted to make sure that the girls didn't depend on me being in their room/rocking/singing/laying with them in order to fall asleep.  My best friend once told me that she started rubbing her daughter's back while she fell asleep because she liked it.  Fast forward just a little bit and then her daughter couldn't fall asleep unless she was doing that.  When Izzy got into a toddler bed, I was adamant that I wouldn't do one certain thing like that so that she didn't start to depend on it.  It was going really well too!!  The only time I would let her into Grant's and my bed was if it was after a certain time, like 5am.  If it was before that, I would walk or carry her back into her own bed.  Then she started saying she was scared.  At first I think she really was legit scared, so I would sit in her room or rock in the chair until she fell asleep so she wouldn't be scared.  Well now it's hard to get her to stay in bed if I'm not in the room.  I've started to revert back to when she first got the bed.  If she came out, I would just take her hand and lead her right back.  Not say a word or anything.  It's not going the best, but I think after a bit, she'll figure it out again.  I really hope so!!

I don't get it

I'm a traditional person in some aspects; I believe if you get married, you should take your husbands name.  I believe you should never have children just because.  I believe you shouldn't get married because "it seems like fun".  I believe marriage is a sacred union between two people; gay, straight, bi, lesbian...that doesn't matter to me.  I also believe that you should never have to change your whole way of life or who you are because you married someone.  I've always viewed marriage as a partnership, each person there wanting the same things out of life.  For the longest time, I always changed things about who I was in order to make the other person happy.  It was part of the reason why I left my ex husband.  I realized that I wasn't being myself, and that he didn't make me happy. Being with Grant, I've never had to worry about that.  He's always accepted who I am and has never made me feel bad about it.  I've never felt that by being with him, I would lose everything that I had accomplished so far.  I was reading something on Facebook on marriage and someone said they didn't want to get married because "I could not have the life that I created for myself."  Now, I'm not 100% sure what she meant by that, but the first thing that popped into my head was that she would have to change her lifestyle.  But why?  I can't believe that if I had built an empire or anything, that Grant would make me stop it after we married...let me daydream about my own empire for a min.....ok done.  Anyway, I just don't understand that whole "I am woman, hear me roar...extreme style" way of thinking.  Being with someone shouldn't make you smaller or worth less or the need to give up your life, it should empower you and make you feel 10 feet tall and like you can rule the world.  Do I need a man to take care of me?  Hell no!  It is nice that once in a while he does.  But, one thing I've learned about myself is that I am a strong person, and if I had to, I could raise my girls by myself and do a damn good job.  I don't view Grant as my caretaker, I view him as my other half. Someone to share my life with, not give my life to.  If you marry someone, you should be standing by their side, not behind them or in front of them.  I believe marriage is being equal with your partner, and I'm really glad I found someone who feels the same!

Toddler Meals: Fantasy vs Reality

Being a SAHM, I find that one of the hardest things to figure out are meal times.  Breakfast, not so much because Izzy loves cereal and Kensi goes between that or oatmeal...easy peasy.  What gets me the most is lunches.  In a perfect world, I'd be giving them something like a small sandwich with fruit and/or crackers on the side with juice.  I'd have their intake of fruit and vegetables and dairy on their plate and they'd love it.  But I don't live in a perfect world.  I live in reality where my budget doesn't always allow me to get fruit all the time.  It's the one thing they don't get to eat a lot of.  It can be quite expensive during the summer, and pretty scarce during the winter.  Plus with Izzy being a little bit of a picky eater, she may love apples one day, then the next she refuses to eat them.  So I have to be a bit creative or just make mental notes.  I've looked at Pinterest for ideas, and I think I've gotten a few good ones, but there's still that obstacle of money.  We're a one income family, and if I have to choose between milk and fruit, you better believe I'm going for that milk.  Hopefully since we're doing a little better in the money department, I'll be able to get more.  This time I got the girls some apples and banana's, and at this moment they like them.  Once they get sick of them, I plan on making them into muffins and applesauce...so at least they wont go to waste.  I would love to get them kiwi, melons, grapes...ect, but that will have to wait for a bit.  Right now, I'll just get them here and there and slowly work my way up to different, a little more exotic (kiwi) fruits when I can.

It's getting better

When I used to work at Petro, I decided that I couldn't be with a guy that was gone all the time.  I'm the type of person that needs to see or be with my significant other kind of a lot.  I'll admit it, I'm a little needy in that respect.  The good thing on my part is I found someone who is the exact same way.  Ok so that was decided...not fast forward to a few years ago.  Grant was unhappy with his job even though he was home every night.  He asked me what I thought about it, and my only hangup was that he could be gone for days at a time every week.  Home every weekend, holidays off, and during the summer he could have Friday's off too...but he could be gone from Monday through Friday, or at least Monday through Wednesday.  I had a hard time with it because I'd be the "primary" parent for the girls.  Now I don't say primary as in more important...but just I'm doing most of the parenting.  But the job would be a huge boost for us financially.  When it came down to it, our family is the most important thing in our lives so we decided he'd go for it.  I wont lie, it's been hard.  It was a big adjustment.  I was still working when he switched, so I had to really step up.  My days would go like this:  I'd get up for work, shower and get dressed, get the girls up, dressed, and fed, take them to daycare, go to work, work from 830-530, pick up the girls from daycare, get home and make supper, get the girls in the bath, have playtime, do bedtime with them, stay up for a few more hours then I go to bed.  After a few days, it gets hard to be the only one there for the girls.  When Grant gets home, he's tired and I cant really pawn the girls off on him because he needs some relaxing time too.  It was a really tricky road.  It got easier, especially after I stopped working.  But I still had a hard time with him gone because I missed him and I don't get a lot of "me" time.  Little frustrations would get to me, and I'd get really focused on doing things right.  But I've started to turn my thinking around.  Instead of worrying so much about their TV/movie time, what we're going to have for supper, are they brushing their teeth right, how many times I have to pick up the house...ect, I started really just enjoying the time I have with them.  It's only a few years before Izzy starts school and I wont have unlimited time with her.  Little things still get to me once in a while, but I'm really enjoying my time and we're so much happier!

When does helping turn into habit?

Since the girls were born, I've been adamant that I didn't want them to depend on one thing to fall asleep; having me in the room or singing laying in bed with her, and part of it is that I wont fit into her bed lol.  I'm just as adamant now, but it's a little hard to walk that fine line between doing it to help her and it's becoming a habit for her.  There's been times where she'll say she's scared, but I can tell it's just a ploy for her to stay up longer.  But some days it's really hard to tell if she's actually scared or it being a ploy.  Tonight was hard because it took an hour to keep her in bed.  She wanted me to sing to her 5 different times, she was "scared" about 6 times, she wanted to come sit by me once, and she used Kensi as an excuse twice.  I blame the last few nights on the time change.  She's been essentially going to bed at 7p and I'm sure her body isn't quite tired yet.  So what do I do?  Do I sit in the room when she wants?  Do I sing 5 times if she wants me to?  It's a damn fine line, and walking it is really hard!

I'm not a bad mom...

Tonight was not a good bedtime night.  Started out normal enough; I supervised teeth brushing while Grant got their water cups ready, I picked out the bedtime book, and got them on my lap for story time. We read the story, and I tucked them in then said goodnight. That's where things went downhill. Isabelle just kept coming out, and coming out, and coming out...for over an hour. One of the last times, Grant and I weren't thinking and went outside to grab things from the vehicles right after we put her back to bed. While we were outside, Isabelle came out of her room and couldn't find us. I found her at the back step crying and saying she didn't want to go to bed. Well I missed the signs of her being scared and got on her like I had been. Grant came in their room, scooped her up, and rocked with her in the chair til she fell asleep. I'm not sure how I missed that she was scared, but it makes me feel terrible, like I failed her in some way. I was only taking her words at face value instead of seeing below that like I normally do. I know I'm not perfect, and will miss things here and there...but I'm still a good mom and I know come tomorrow, she'll hug me and tell me she loves me throughout the day like she normally does. I just have to keep reminding myself of that. 

When did acronyms become the norm?

Im reading a "14 Things 90's Kids Would Understand" type article and one of the pictures was of Joshua Jackson when he was Dawson's Creek.  The caption said "BAE AF".  It took me a minute to remember what AF means (as fuck when I looked it up), and it got me thinking.  When did everything become an acronym or an extremely abbreviated version of the real word?  As someone who hates bad grammar and misspelling, I can't tell you how much it grates on my nerves to be reading posts that have either "except" instead of "accept" or "I went 2 da store 2day" as the status.  In a time when we live our lives in 140 or less characters, I understand why it started.  But for things like Facebook where you have basically unlimited space to type, why wouldn't you want to make sure you're spelling things right?  We have had spellcheck for a long time now, there should be no reason that you're spelling things wrong!  I have had to skip or stop reading long posts from friends because I can't stand the way it's written.  I personally think that it makes people sound stupid and uneducated.  I've heard that some companies are looking at potential employees Facebook pages in deciding whether to interview them.  I know my statuses aren't Ivy League material, but I sure try to make sure that I don't sound like I didn't pass Kindergarten.
So many things are getting lost as times change, and it seems that this is one of them.  I would hope that as my kids get older, they don't lose the importance of good grammar and correct spellings, no matter where they're typing/writing things out.  Not everything can stand the test of time, but I honestly and seriously hope that this is one thing that never gets lost.

I Believe Music Is Important

I love music.  Whenever I have the TV off, I always have some sort of music on; whether it's the radio or Pandora or just a playlist on my phone.  I always try to mix it up a bit so the girls get a lot of exposure to different types.  I don't want them to only listen to Y94 or Froggy or anything... I want them to have a taste for all music, like I do.  I love almost everything except for older country.  Growing up, I remember my dad having music on kind of a lot.  When he was "shoveling" out the house, which was just a big cleaning spree, he was in the shower, or just if the TV was off.  Nowadays, when the family gets together at his place, he always has music going when I walk in.  I think I get my love of having music on from him.  I played flute in band in high school, and I really hope the girls want to play something.  If they don't, then I wont force them, but I really hope they do.  I think it's important to have music in your life.  I like to think that it helps nurture the creative parts of their mind.  I hope that when they grow up, they love listening to music like I do.  It's one of the many things I hope to pass to them too.  When we buy a house, I'd love to have speakers in every room of the house, even the bathroom!  If not, then I always have my phone!!

Friendships

Friendships are a funny thing.  I just got done watching “Something Borrowed” with Kate Hudson and Ginnifer Goodwin.  It got me thinking about friendships and what makes a good friend and what makes a bad friend.  When you have been friends with someone for such a long time, does that mean that eveything they do, good or bad, you should forgive them for?  At what point, do you stop and decide that they’re just not a good friend anymore?
Friendships are always a two way street.  They’re like a relationship.  They dont just happen and you have to work at them a lot.  It cant always be one sided and both people have to want to be in it.  If one person does all the work, is that a friendship?  Life happens and I get that.  People start to go their seperate ways, life changes, and there’s never enough time in the day to do everything that you want to do.  On the list of the important things, is friendships the one thing that can be down at the bottom?  When life gets tough, your best friend is supposed to be the one person you know you can go to with anything.  The one person that wont judge you.  What happens to you when things start happening in their life?  Do you just fade into the background?  At what point do you just give up?

Wow, It's Been a While!

Wow, I forgot I even had this blog.  I started it feeling really conflicted about a friendship I have, and intended to keep it as a place to get down all my thoughts.  But after that day, this thing slipped my mind.  A few things have changed since I was on here last; mainly I now have two daughters.  My husband, Grant, and I welcomed our firstborn Isabelle in 2013.  She was the 2nd most amazing thing that has happened to me.  The first being I married the one guy who gets me and is my other half.  Finding out I was pregnant was a day I wont forget.  I knew something was up even after 3 negative tests; two pee tests and one blood test.  The missed period was a dead giveaway, but it still took my body another few weeks to decide to give that positive test.  When I saw those lines, the first thing I did was send a picture to my best friend to make sure I wasnt seeing things.  I then told Grant, who I woke up to tell.  He just said “ok” then rolled over and fell asleep.  Fast forward 2 hours when he had woken up and taken a shower.  He comes out of the bedroom and goes “ok, now what was that?” lol The rest of that day was more of a blur than anything.  After the shock wore off, I was terrified as hell.  What did I know about becoming a mother?  I had just gotten married 8 months before and was still adjusting to being a wife.  Granted, Grant and I work amazingly well together so it wasnt that big of an adjustment…but still.  But I loved everything about that pregnancy.  I loved feeling my baby girl kick, and I was always putting my hands on my stomach.  Grant called me a “rubber” because any time I didnt have anything in my hands, they were rubbing my stomach.  Started when I started showing and didnt stop until a little after I had her.  Now my baby is going to be 2 years old in a few days, and she’s such a little person!  She’s starting to talk more and she’s got such personality!  It’s so hard to be mad at her sometimes because either she reminds me of me or she’s so damn cute I have to fight not to smile.
Then we welcomed our Kensi girl, my second born in May 2014.  After Izzy was born, Grant and I took on the “well if it happens it happens” approach.  But we didnt think I’d get pregnant as quick as I did.  It only took a few months after we were active again, and we thought it would take longer.  When I got the positive test, it was the first test I took.  I sent him a picture of it and he replied asking what that meant.  I told him that we were going to have another baby and he sent back “yay” lol  I loved that pregnancy too, but it was a little harder than Izzy.  Mostly because I had Izzy to take care of, and that’s hard when you’re 8 months pregnant.  But I did the same things with that pregnancy that I had done with Isabelle’s.  I was rubbing my stomach nonstop and always saying when she kicked.  Now she’s 8 months old and her personality is starting to come though.  Where Isabelle is so outgoing and a bubble of energy, Kensi is so quiet and serious.  She’ll stare at a toy to figure it out and Isabelle will grab it and immediately start to shake it.
Having the girls has been so awesome, but also really only thing I know right now.  So be prepared for my posts to be mostly about motherhood, marriage, and the words of wisdom I have gained thus far.

Childhood Friends

I saw a picture on Facebook (apparently this is where I get a lot of my thoughts lol) that said who was your best friend when you were 8 years old and to tag that person. I was about to share it and tag my best friend, Heather, but I realized that she wasn’t my best friend when I was 8. We didn’t become best friends until I was in like 7th grade. Before her, I was best friends with a girl named Kathy. I have no idea when we became friends since I don’t remember a lot from when I was a kid. But I remember a lot about our friendship. She lived across the park, and Id ask my mom a lot if I could go and see if she could play. That was back when people actually went to someone else’s house to see if they wanted to play instead of texting..well cell phones didn’t exist then. We had a lot of sleepovers and spent a lot of time together. I became really good friends with her sister too..hmmm I see a pattern lol. One thing I don’t remember is why we stopped being friends. I know that I went to Casselton to start 7th grade and she didn’t, but I don’t know what happened to make us have a falling out. The only thing I can remember is we happened to be getting off our respective buses at the same time and I said hi to her…I cant remember her exact reply, but it wasn’t exactly on the nice scale. I often wonder what she’d be like now and if we got to talking again, would we be friends again? I saw her profile on Facebook, and it seems like she’s doing well. Cant help but be a little sad that I had lost a childhood friend. There are a lot of people that are still friends with those they grew up with, and I don’t really have that. I have a couple, but that’s it. Grant has friends that he went all the way from Kindergarten to graduating with. I envy that in a way. He doesn’t get together with them very often anymore, but that’s mostly because he doesn’t invite them out.. I try to hold onto the friends I have now, but it is a little hard. A lot of us are in different directions or just are living life. I wonder if Kathy and I would be like that now too…oh well, such is life, right?

Best Friends Forever...right??

Ive seen this picture go around Facebook quite a few times, and in a few different ways. It’s one that says something to the effect of “we’ll be best friends forever…mostly because you know too much” or something like that. I’m pretty sure I shared it and tagged my best friend, and I’m also sure she liked it. It did get me thinking though. Her and I have been best friends since we were in junior high together. She graduated a year ahead of me, but we have still maintained our best friend status through all these years. I find it amazing and not a little crazy. I’m not sure what any statistics are, but I cant imagine that there are a whole crap ton of people that can say they’ve had the same best friend for umpteen years. Maybe there is, I don’t know.
Sometimes I start to worry that maybe our lives have gone too different of paths. She had her daughter (my goddaughter) 8 years ago, and since then they’ve been doing things like pageants and gymnastics and just a bunch of stuff ever since. They seem to be go go go, whereas I married a guy, only to divorce him less than a year later, then got married again and had two daughters. I’ve never wanted to do the pageants or things like that, even though I’ve been told countless times that I should put Isabelle in some contests because she’s so pretty, and am very laid back. I’m more of the mindset of letting her play outside and go to the park and ride her bike around the block. Granted, Izzy is only 2, but I’d want her to do the things I did. We parent in such different ways, and that surprised me. Other than the year where we were in a fight (the longest year of my life), we’ve always been friends. I’ve been her therapist, and she’s been my sounding board. She’s been with me through the worst of times, and the best of times…and does know everything about me; good or bad. But there have been times where I thought our friendship has ran its course and I’m just not willing to let go. I know I get a little too inside my own head and worry about things I shouldn’t, and that’s something I’ll have to work on. When we do get together, it’s like that clichéd saying, we pick up basically where we left off. But it doesn’t seem to happen very often. I’ll hear of friends who get together every week or every other week or something, and it makes me a little jealous. We did have a while where we met for lunch at least once a month. But then something happened, and that just kind of fizzled out. And now we really don’t hang out much at all. Part of it is my fault for not extending an invite, but I got so used to not being able to do anything because of money. You say no to enough invites, and people stop asking you to do things. Now with the girls and not really knowing when Grant will be home, I never know when I’ll be free to do something unless it’s the weekend, and usually people are busy on weekends anyway. Makes it a little tough.. Wish I could get out of my head a little more. Friendships are always a two way street…one person cant always be the one making the effort. I might have to effort me in for a beer pretty soon

No Paci - Cold Turkey :S

We’re on day 3 of no pacifiers. It’s getting better each day so far, but damn has it been a hard few days. During the daytime isn’t so bad because they never had them while they were awake anyway. But naps and bedtime have really been a challenge. We probably should have pulled them a little sooner, but with Kensi only being 15 months old, we didn’t want to pull it too early…or rather I didn’t. Grant didn’t really seem to care at this point yet. Kensi never really seemed to latch on the to the paci’s like Izzy did, but I had been noticing that she’s been getting really used to it. So before she got too addicted, I really wanted to get them gone. We still have the door open for a 3rd child, but with paci’s, you can always buy new ones. It’s not like they break the bank. We had been getting suggestions for slowly pulling them, or giving them the paci’s one night but not the next, or altering them in some way so that they don’t feel good on their tongues anymore until they throw them away by themselves. But with our girls, they probably wouldn’t have thrown them away at all! So we decided the best way to go was just cold turkey. I went through the house, and all the hiding places, rounded them up in a plastic bag, and threw them in the outside garbage. Two reasons I threw them in that one; 1-so the girls wouldn’t see them and want them back and 2 – so we wouldn’t cave and give them back. That first night, oh God I thought about caving, but remembered that they were literally gone so I couldn’t even if I wanted to. I’m really glad I’m a SAHM for this, because I didn’t get a whole lot of sleep. Kensi woke up once, and she WOULD NOT GO BACK DOWN for over an hour. I gave her some water, rocked her, and even sang to her. She just thought it was a game and tried poking me in the eye. After I put her down, I figured she’d tire herself out and fall asleep. Nope, she woke up Grant. He thought I hadn’t been up yet, so he gave her more water…which finally put her back to sleep. Then Isabelle woke up and I had to sit with her for a bit til she fell back asleep. Didn’t take too long, but at 4am when I’ve already been up a few times, it felt like forever. But at least she fell asleep and I could get some sleep too. Last night was better they only woke up once each, and it was far enough apart that I could sleep.
I’m really glad we’re doing the cold turkey thing. It seems to be working. Kensi still naps enough to where she’s good until bed. Izzy hasn’t really needed a nap, and she’s been good til bedtime too. It takes them about a half hour to fall asleep at night, and I’ll take it! Hopefully it’ll just keep getting better and better!!

The Students are Teaching the Teacher

Watching my girls play and it’s such a cute sight. They’re only 1 and 2, but they’ve already taught me a lot about life. Here a few things they’ve taught me so far:
1 – Slow down and enjoy the simple things: I’m watching Kensi have so much fun just walking around on a blanket. Isabelle spread a blanket on the floor, and Kensi stepped on it. She’s just walking in circles and squealing every few seconds. As I’m writing this, Isabelle has brought me a total of 5 blankets and has had me spread them out on the floor, one on top of the other. When it was done, she got excited, and basically threw herself on it. It’s about the little things..
2 – Your heart does stretch: When Isabelle came along, I didn’t think I could love something or someone any more, but then Kensi came along. I cant even begin to try and explain how much I love those girls. every day, my heart just feels like it’s about to burst with love. But there are times where it hits me again that I’m a mother to two beautiful girls, and my cup runneth over in a huge way. If we have another baby, my heart will stretch to accommodate the love I will feel for that child too. Me as a mother, there’s always more room in my heart for my children.
3 – Don’t take yourself too seriously: I don’t care if I am the president of the United States, the CEO of a huge corporation, or the owner of a small business. When my girls want to get silly and play, you better believe that I’m going to get silly with them. When walking through stores with them when they were infants, I would do the silly faces and the odd sounds just so I could see them laugh. Isabelle has got down on the floor of said stores and started hopping like a frog. You just have to laugh at those times. Who cares if other people look at you. It’s not about them, it’s about you and your child.
4 – There’s always time to play: This one is a little harder for me to remember. I’m a bit OCD in some ways and I like my house neat and tidy. I’ve gotten a lot better since they came along, but I still need to be able to clean the house sometimes. But I’ve been able to learn that it doesn’t need to be done RIGHT NOW. There are times where I’ve been in the middle of cleaning something up, and one of the girls has come into the room and want to play. Unless what I’m doing cannot wait, I go and play. It’s clichéd, I know, but they’re only this young once. I don’t want to miss out on too much.
5 – Patience: This one is kind of a given, but it takes it to a whole new level for me. Ive always been a patient person, I’ve always had that desire to help and teach. But now as I type this out, Isabelle is having a tantrum because I wouldn’t hold up a blanket so that she could slide down it. I don’t plan on sitting in the office chair holding a blanket for an extended period of time so she can slide down it. She realized she could by accident one day, and now she always wants to. Trying to get her to quit crying and whining wasn’t working, so I’m going with the just ignore and she stops route. It does work, just sometimes takes a bit longer than Id like. But it’s hard to listen to her whine and cry without getting frustrated by it and snapping at her. The ignoring her is effective, but it requires the patience that some people don’t have.
The girls have taught me so much already, and I hope that I don’t forget any of it!

Yes, I Raise My Voice

Kensi’s getting to the age where she hits and/or bites. It wasn’t that big of a deal with Isabelle because we nipped that right away. With Kensi, she’s being a little more stubborn about giving it up. Also she loves to get into Ace’s dog food…as did Isabelle. So trying to teach her what to stay away from and what she can play with hasn’t always been easy. Some things she must not have cared enough to keep pushing because she’ll leave it alone right away. Other things, like Ace’s dog food, she’ll go back to it dozens of times before I can get her to leave it alone. I’ve read a lot of articles and blogs that say you should be telling them they shouldn’t do that in a calm, but assertive manner. I’m sorry, but my kids are 1 and 2…they don’t get calm and assertive. To them, if I’m down at their level talking calmly, then it’s a game and mommy is just being silly. I’m the type of parent that I parent similar to how my parents raised me. I don’t do everything they did, but I have adopted some things and some things have just surfaced as the way I parent. One of those ways is raising my voice to the girls. Now, don’t get your panties in a twist, I don’t sit there and scream and yell at them. I’d never do that to my kids so that they’re afraid of me. But I do raise my voice so they know I’m serious. Like when Izzy gets into a real tizzy and cant seem to calm down, I cant talk in a calm voice or she wont hear me. I have to snap her out of it so I say “hey!” louder than she’s yelling and crying. It usually snaps her out of it to where she can calm down again. Other times it’s where she has taken a toy away from Kensi and wont give it back no matter how many times I calmly tell her to. So I raise my voice and make it stern so she knows I mean business and that changes her tune pretty quick.
I know that my girls are people too and should be respected, but on the other side of that coin, they are my kids and I am their mother. They listen to me and do what I say. I’m old fashioned like that. I have to roll my eyes when I am told that I should ask their permission to change their diaper or wipe their face or anything like that. I don’t. I get in and do it. Not everyone parents or thinks like me, but that’s what I do and judging by how happy and how well behaved my daughters are, I’d say I’m doing a pretty damn good job!

Ready...Set...Run!!

I started running again. Ive gone a few times so far, and Im really hoping to keep up with it. Ive missed it, but it’s really hard to get back to where I was. After having the girls, I don’t plan on getting pregnant again for a few years. Grant wants the girls to be out of diapers, and Im in agreement with that.. well at least having Isabelle out of diapers and getting into our own house. Those are my timepoints. So until that time, I decided I needed to do something about getting back into shape. Ive felt bad about my body for a really long time now, and I cant even count the times Ive started something, only to stop a little bit into it. Im now banned from ever having a gym membership again because I’d go for a little while then stop altogether. But Im ok with that. I know I do it, and it’s not fair to our finances to do that. So I have to find something that’s more doable for me. Having a double stroller and taking the girls for a walk does help keep me active and moving, but there are times where it’s way too hot outside for the girls to be out for any extended periods of time. So I cant do that all the time or every day. Grant and I really want to get bikes and get that bike trailer for them so we can take them on bike rides, but that’d cost easily $400 for two bikes and the trailer.. and that’s on the conservative side.
I had to start thinking of other ways I could keep active. Being at home with the girls helps because we can at least go in the backyard and play. I sometimes get a little too comfy on the camping chairs, but I try and play with them. I also bought a Jillian Michaels DVD to help, and that does help. But it’s kind of boring the stand in front of the TV and do stuff. I kept going back to running, but I couldn’t figure out how to do it with the girls. We don’t have a jogging stroller and it really wouldn’t be cost effective to get one. But I did think of something. Since Grant’s home some of the week, I decided on the days he’s home is when I’d go for my run. On the days he’s gone for the night, I’ll do my DVD. That way I am at least doing something every day. But now to get started. I keep thinking back to when I was in track and how in shape I was. It’s hard not to compare myself from then to now. Because that’s really not helpful…I was 17/18 and my body was so different. But at the same time, it does help in a way to remember how much fun I had and how I was a little more ok with my body.
I started my running almost a week ago. The first time, I really just went around the block twice. Ya that was pretty pathetic. But it was a start. Earlier in the week, I downloaded a running app to track my progress and started the “Couch to 5K” program, but modified it a bit. It took me 25min to do 1.6 miles. Compared to how long it took me to run a mile in high school, ya that’s horrible! But it’s a starting point, and you have to start somewhere. I felt way better after running than I do after my DVD so hopefully that’ll keep me going! Plus having music to listen to, that really helps too. I saw on my Facebook that someone had said how great they feel while they run. I started thinking about it, and I feel some of those ways too; confident, sexy, proud, and confident. I feel….better. I don’t know how else to describe it. Now to just make sure I don’t flake out and start making excuses for not going on my run!! 

A Month Down!

I cant believe it’s already been a month that I’ve been staying home with the girls. Some days it feels like it was just yesterday that I quit my job, and other days it feels like forever and a day! I can already tell that Ace has really gotten used to us being home all of the time. Whenever I take the girls to the park or somewhere that he can’t come with, he gets really upset and whines and barks after we’ve left. He seems to really like having us home. Poor guy doesn’t really get much of a break, but he doesn’t seem to mind. Even now when Im typing this out, he’s stationed beside Kensi’s high chair waiting for her to drop some of her lunch. She hasn’t disappointed him yet! The little guy is going to get fat from all the food the girls drop for him!
There has only been a few times that Isabelle has asked to go back to daycare. At first it made me feel sad because I thought she liked being home with me. But Grant said that after a few years (or even less time) she really wont remember what it was like to be at daycare. Which she did have some great memories of daycare, but I can do without her asking to go back. Grant told me that he’s seen how much the girls love being home with me. They’re happier, they haven’t gotten sick once, and Im a lot less stressed and more happy too. I don’t get upset at little things anymore, and Ace stealing their sandwiches don’t make me as mad.
But now I have to find ways to save money here and there. We’re by no means scraping to get food in the pantry or diapers on the girls, but every little bit helps! I’ve already found a few things here and there that I can do. Like not putting pots and pans in the dishwasher and hand washing those. That way I don’t run the dishwasher as much and we don’t go through the little soap packets as fast. Or if Grant can let me know in advance that we’ll be going shopping, I can look for coupons or look at the Cartwheel app for Target. The biggest saver I think is going to be the amount I drive. Now that Im not going back and forth to work and daycare, I drive a ton less which will save on gas. I’ll have to go somewhere at least once a week so the gas doesn’t just sit and get bad, but other than that, unless something happens, I really don’t need to go anywhere.
I’ve been really getting into my flowers too! I planted some Stargazer Lillies and have been really excited to see them bloom. There’s other flowers too, and I didn’t think I’d get into them as much as I have! Maybe gardening will be the thing I get into; my hobby! I want to start a small vegetable garden in the backyard too. Not anything big, but just a few things to start off with that we use a ton of; tomatoes, cucumbers, garlic, potatoes… nothing too big.
I am so glad that I am able to stay at home with the girls. I was a little worried at first if I could do it, but Im seeing what a great opportunity this is for us! I love watching the girls get into trouble, and just seeing them grow!

Is It Really Important?

I was home for the 4th of July, and got asked if I had nursed my youngest, Kensi. I answered it without really thinking (I didn’t nurse, but I did pump), but I got to thinking about it later. Why is it important to know how I fed my daughter?  Shouldn’t it be enough to know I fed my girls and they’re healthy and happy? I see this question get asked A LOT and I guess I don’t get it. I am guilty of asking the question myself, and usually the reason why is to know that Im not alone in the non-nursing group. I felt bad that I didn’t nurse the girls because there’s a lot of pressure to and you hear everywhere that BM is so much better for babies than formula. It’s a little insane the amount of personal questions that get asked when you’re pregnant or have had a baby. But I do understand the why of it to a point. A lot of the time, I hesitate a little before answering. Because I know whatever answer I give, there will always be a follow up question. Usually it’s “how long?” or “pump or nurse” or something like that. With both girls, I always had enough stored to be able to give them BM for a few months after I quit pumping.
I had no problems switching to formula when the milk ran out. I knew it wouldn’t last until they were able to eat solid foods, and I was ok with that. A few months after Isabelle was born, we went to my in-laws for a visit. One of their friends was visiting and she asked if I was breast feeding or giving formula. When I said I was breast feeding, she goes “oh thank God, formula is poison and Im so glad you’re not giving your baby that!” or something to that effect. I didn’t say anything much, but Im thinking what a way to make someone feel bad if they have to give the baby formula. No offense to anyone, but formula is not the devil. If it was bad for the baby, they wouldn’t make it. Granted, BM is better because it helps with immunity and things like that, but formula gives the nourishment that babies need. Last time I checked, that was important too.
Both of my girls are well passed the formula stage, but we still have the “third child door” open. If we do have that 3rd child, Im still going to answer the questions of BM vs formula, but im going to be asking myself why the need to know. And if we do need to get formula, Im not going to feel bad about it. All you need to know is that Im feeding my child whatever is needed to be healthy and happy… how about we leave it at that?

One Week Down

I’ve got one full week of being at STAHM under my belt. Once I realized I just had to be mommy, and not super mommy, it got a lot easier. It wasn’t exactly hard before, but I took some of the pressure off of myself and just enjoyed being at home with the girls. Every once in a while I ask Isabelle if she likes mommy being at home and I get a very enthusiastic YES! so I know they are just loving it. I absolutely love getting up in the morning and seeing Kensi’s grinning face. They’ve been waking up so happy! I’ve also been working with Izzy on staying in her room at night. It’s going pretty ok, but not there yet. She’s gotten really used to the door being locked so it being unlocked and her being able to come out is still really awesome to her. Last night, Grant ended up locking the door after she had come downstairs 4 times, and by that 4th time, she was just standing on the landing out of our line of sight because she knew if we realized she was there, we’d bring her back upstairs. it’s a work in progress for sure. It’s hard to not just let her sleep in our bed so we can all go back to bed, but I’m sticking to my guns! Or at least trying to lol She’s been talking really well too so Grant and I have to make sure that we’re talking a little better too. We don’t want her growing up and talking like she never finished high school. Especially now with social media and abbreviating things or spelling things wrong. Things like “gonna” instead of “going to” and “would of” instead of “would have”… I’m big into grammar like that so it shouldn’t be too hard for me
Kensi has been such a walking demon, it’s so crazy! Once she stopped having to concentrate so hard, she just takes off! She’s been doing really well! She doesn’t need the walking toys as much, but she still uses them. We can tell she’s getting tired when she falls a lot more than she has been, then gets mad that she fell. She’s getting so big, I’m so glad I’m here to see it. Wont be too long before she’s walking as well as Izzy is. She’s starting to talk/babble more too. You can tell she’s trying to tell you something. If you’re not getting it, she’ll repeat it almost exactly as she said it before. Trying to get her to say mama or dada, but right now it’s just mamamama and dadadada so we’re close!

The New Adventure Begins

So a few weeks ago (man it already seems like such a long time ago), Grant and I got a letter from the state saying that our childcare assistance would be cancelled. It said we made too much. We just looked at each other really confused. But once we looked at the checks we had sent as proof of income, we realized that they were taking some overtime Grant had gotten as regular income. We both tried talking to our contact, but to no avail. It didn’t matter,, as of July 1 our assistance would be done. We had a choice. We could keep the girls in daycare, and I could keep working. Or, we could pull the girls from daycare and I would stay home with them full time. Now my dream has to be a stay at home mom for as long as I have been wanting kids. But it really became a dream once Isabelle was born. But we had to look at the numbers to see which would be best for our family. Once we crunched the numbers, we realized that it would be pretty close to the same either way. So then the decision became; which is best? Me staying home with them or them going to daycare and getting the social interaction? We had to make a decision quick because July 1 was coming and I still needed to put in my notice at work and also with the daycare if we decided that I would stay home. We talked about it all that weekend, and the decision was made; I was going to stay home. Gave my notice at work and the daycare that the last day for basically everything was June 30th. Now, the girls and I had to make it that far without getting sick or me just getting fed up with work. I was already on a warning for my attendance because the girls kept getting sick at daycare, so I was close to getting fired. With only three more days til they were done, Isabelle got a fever of 102. Since if I was to call in one more time at work, I would be fired anyway, Grant and I decided that it would be better if I just said that was my last day was last Thursday and for the girls too. So, I am now a stay at home mommy! I’ve been dreaming about this for a long time, and now that it’s a reality… Im super nervous. I’ve never been one for big changes, and this was a pretty big one. What if the reality was way different than my fantasy? What if I realized I couldn’t do it? What if I just sucked at it? Well, my friends, we are about to find out. Today is the first day of our adventure. I say today instead of last Friday because now Grant’s at work and reality is happening. And you know what? I’ve pretty much stopped being nervous. I get to be at home and watch my children grow. I get to see their silliness and playfulness, as well as their crabbiness and stubbornness every day. I get to see the smiles and the laughing and the random hugs. I get to watch Kensi start totally walking all around the house as opposed to just a few steps here and there, and I get to teach Isabelle how to use the potty instead of someone else doing it. Granted, as far as daycares go, the one they were at was pretty good. They loved my girls and my girls loved them. But nothing beats mommy and daddy and now I don’t have to listen to Isabelle cry when I leave for work. Or hear her say she doesn’t want mommy to work on the way to daycare. Im pretty damn lucky, and I know that. I plan to make sure that I remember that. I know there are going to be days where I feel like Im doing horrible, or there are going to be days that the girls are just being crabby patties. There’s always going to be bad with the good. Im not thinking this is going to be all roses and fairy tales, but I’m going to be with my girls and I cant ask for anything more than that!

Am I The Oddity?

I recently saw this little commercial on Facebook. It was about a guy who goes to the doghouse because he got his wife a vacuum as a gift. Am I the only one that doesn’t see what’s so bad about that? Grant has gotten me a few appliances, and I have been happy as hell to get them. The only thing I can understand is if it wasn’t something I wanted or asked for. I’ve gotten a coffee pot, and more recently a fridge. If I came home to find out he had bought me a new stove or something, Id be happy! I think being raised with four brothers, I probably don’t think like the average girl. Why do gifts have to be certain things? I don’t need jewelry, although I wouldn’t say no to it. What wife manual says that he has to get me really expensive things? But maybe it’s because I love doing things for the house. I like keeping it clean and making sure everything is in it’s place. I know my OCD does get the best of me here and there, especially with two small girls. I get just as much excitement from getting our fridge as I did from him buying me my ”mommy” necklace for Christmas a few years ago. Remember that commercial where the woman stands at the entrance to the kitchen and keeps turning on and off the light with a smile on her face? The camera turns to what she’s looking at and it’s a stainless steel fridge. Ya, I was like that. But maybe Im the oddity. Or it could be that I’ve grown up a little bit…but I’ve always thought like this. There’s no right or wrong gift for me. If you I’ll like it or Ive made noise about wanting it…it’s fair game. Vacuums, coffee pots, appliances, jewelry, I’d take any of it!

Please God, Go To Sleep!

Today the girls and I went for a walk after supper. Normally our routine is to get in the bath, then get jammers on and watch a movie before bed. But last night was pretty horrible for me, sleep wise. Isabelle decided that she didn’t want to fall asleep. She’d fall asleep, then wake up about 10 minutes later and if I wasn’t in the room, she’d come find me. Now, for the most part, my bed is banned to her. I don’t want her to get used to always sleeping in my bed to where she wont sleep in her own bed. I hear stories from other people all the time to where their kid sleeps in the parents bed so now that’s the only place they’ll sleep. Im not judging you, but now that your kid wont sleep in their own bed, that’s pretty much your fault. And because I hear all these stories, I know how hard it is to break that habit. So Im trying my damndest not to even start that. But last night, I caved. After the third time of putting her back in bed, then having to stand there while she falls asleep, then try and sneak out like a figgin ninja so she doesn’t wake up…only to have her wake up about a half hour later then start crying my name, I was just exhausted and it was around midnight. So since Grant isn’t home for work again, I let her sleep in my bed. She went right down. The only reason I caved is because every time she’d wake up, her crying my name sounded more like she was actually scared. I knew if we didn’t get any sleep, she’d be a crab ass the next day. So today, I figured if we took a walk, being in the fresh air for a while would help tire her out. At first I didn’t think we’d be out that long, but it ended up being almost 45min! We got home, got them in jammers, and brushed their teeth. Let them dink around for a bit, then we read our book and I put them down. It’s now over a half hour later, and Isabelle is still up and saying “mommy” every once in a while. I don’t get how she’s not exhausted and about ready to pass out! I bet you my last dollar that she’s laying in front of her door too. I just don’t get it! Im fast running out of ideas, so she better go to sleep and stay asleep!

I'm Sorry

Not so long ago, I always made little faces at those who talked mainly about their kids. Part of it was that I was basically green with envy. The other part of me thought “man don’t you have anything else to talk about”? Now that I have my two girls, I have one thing to say to those I thought that about: Im sorry. I get it. My bad. Not having kids yourself, you really don’t get it. You may think you do, but you really don’t. My whole world revolves around my two gremlins, so basically everything is about them. Day in and day out, what I do is for them. I don’t go out and do things on my own very much, so a lot of my time is spent with my family. If Grant is working out of town for a few days, it’s just me and them. Any news I have, it’s usually about them. Nothing big happens in my life, so I rely on the new things that they do for conversation. Don’t get me wrong, I can still have a conversation that’s not about them, but it might have to be started by someone else otherwise I may not come up with anything. I try to keep up on what’s going on in the world, or … and let’s be honest…. what’s happening in the celebrity world. But even then by the time the girls go to bed, Im basically ready for sleep too. Even if Im not ready for bed, Id rather spend my time reflecting on what happened today or update the girls’ baby books. So if we’re talking and Im mainly talking about my girls, my bad. I try to not talk about them solely, but please understand… they are my life. The big news I may have is probably going to be related to them. If/once you have kids, you’ll totally get it.