Last weekend, Grant made us all breakfast. It's been kind of a thing he does every weekend for the last little bit. It makes him really happy to do that for his family. Got us talking about the things we remember from our childhood. Mine was when my dad would make omelettes on the weekends and either wake me up to get some or just leave the fixins' on the stove for me to make my own when I finally rolled my ass out of bed. It's one of those small, yet really happy memories I have. Grant's was similar too. Made me start thinking of the things that the kids will remember about their childhood. There are some things that I really hope they do remember:
1 - Mommy likes music...all the time. I love listening to music. I love having the radio, Panodra, Spotify...ect on all the time. There have been days that the TV doesn't get turned on at all. When I'm cooking any meal, I have my music on and am dancing around the kitchen and singing. I really hope the kids have a love of music like I do, and all different types too. I really like putting on Pandora in the livingroom and setting it to shuffle because we have playlists from hard rock to pop to classical to jazz... damn near everything. When the kids are older and are reminiscing about the "old days", I really hope that they remember mommy always having music on.
2 - Baking. I've been really getting into baking lately. So far I haven't really done much more than cookies, bread, brownies, muffins, and cupcakes. I have done some more for Thanksgiving, but nothing for day to day life. Mostly because the kids are young enough to where I don't want them eating sweets all day. But I hope that when they do get older, they'll have those memories of me baking in the kitchen, dancing to music, and letting them lick the spatula when I'm done. I don't really memories of baking as a kid. My dad works at a bakery so I doubt he wanted to do a lot of it at home, too. He is my "cake man" for the kids' birthdays and any celebrations though...but that's about it. As the kids get older, and make friends, and have the friends come over, I hope that everyone wants to come over to our house because I always have cookies or something already done. I think that would be a great memory to have.
3 - Me being a Stay At Home Mom. Since I was old enough to want a family of my own, I've wanted to be a stay at home mom. I'm not a fan of working in general, and I love watching my kids grow up and reaching the milestones of life. There have been so many "ups" that it makes the "downs" seem pretty small after a while. It's hard, I wont lie, but I'm so glad I can do this. I ask Izzy every once in a while if she likes having me home, and her answer is always an enthusiastic yes. I hope that when the kids get older, they'll look back and smile remembering how we played and just enjoyed being together.
4 - Daddy's weekend breakfasts. As I said before, Grant has really enjoyed making a brunch for us on the weekends. It's never anything fancy, but it's delicious and we get to sit down together as a family, which is also very important to me. Right now, it seems like it's more of a chore for the girls to sit and eat, but hopefully when they get older, they'll look back at the time we spent around the kitchen table as a family and smile.
5 - Our kitchen table. I know this one sounds a bit funny, but here's what I mean: I have a feeling that our kitchen table is going to be the heart of our family. I see homework being done at it, family discussions, family meals, parenting decisions....almost everything being decided upon at that table. Grant and I sit there a lot after a meal and will talk about things, kind of like we do with the office too. I'm sure as the kids get older, and we have to talk about sex or drugs or being with the wrong kind of crowd, it'll be done at the table. But so will everything good too. We plan on having our table for a very long time, so I hope that when the kids get older and see it, that it puts a little smile on their faces remembering all the things that happened at that table.
6 - All the love and happiness in our home. Anyone that really knows me knows how emotional I am. Grant is too, in his own way. If there is one thing that we have never been short of it is love. Words cannot describe how much we love our kids and want only the best for them. We want to grow up to be decent, hardworking adults with a good head on their shoulders and with a strong sense of self. To be able to stand up, not only for themselves, but for others that they see are being wronged. We want them to grow up knowing, without a shadow of a doubt, that they are loved. We let them fall down, we let them get dirty, we let them explore our backyard without hovering over them. Right now, our kids are so happy and laid back and I really hope that they don't lose that. I really hope that when they look back or are talking about their childhood, they can always say that we always showed them we that we love them and they saw how happy Mom and Dad were/are together.
I know our life wont be picture perfect, and that is totally ok. We're going to have ups and downs as a family, but we'll always get through them. I know the kids are all under 5 years old and I may be jumping the gun a little bit with this, but these are things I think about all the time. They are what I hope for my family. I think we have a pretty damn good start to all of this, too. :)
Friday, February 24, 2017
Monday, February 20, 2017
Yup, I'm done
With each of my pregnancies, I have loved almost every part of them. The bigger belly, the movement, being able to rub my tummy, cravings (when I did get them)...ect. But now that William is out, I can totally tell that I'm ok with being done having kids. Back when Grant and I first talked about having kids, I told him I wanted a big family; so like 5 kids. He, of course, looked ready to pass out and said 3 was his max. Anyone that knows me knows that I am the only girl of 5 kids. I loved having older brothers and many of them. Granted, there were times where they got on my nerves and I've always wished I had a sister, but I still am very grateful that I came from a big family. But my how things change. I've read different articles like "How You Know You're Done Having Kids" and none of them really rang true for me. Even now, I don't agree with some of them. So here are the ways I know I'm done having kids:
1 - My pregnancy wasn't as fun. Although I still loved feeling him move and kick, and being able to rub my tummy, I just didn't enjoy it like I had with the girls. I was only halfway through and getting ready to be done being pregnant. I still enjoyed the small things and am very blessed that I was able to carry and birth 3 healthy babies, I just couldn't wait until it was over. Not being able to drink alcohol or go out got to me way more than with the girls too. I know I could have gone out with friends being pregnant, but I always felt weird about it.
2 - I cant wait to get all healed up. When I had my girls, I was almost startled when I would realize that I didn't hurt as much or that I wasn't bleeding anymore. With William, I'm damn near counting the days until I'm back to 100%. I want to be able to run and exercise and just do all the stuff I haven't been able to. I'm in way more of a hurry to get better than I was before.
3 - The idea of getting pregnant again isn't as exciting. When I had Izzy, I was pretty ready to go again pretty soon after. After having Kensi, it took a bit more time, but I knew I wanted to have another baby. Now after having William, I don't relish the idea of getting pregnant again. If we did have an oops and I did get pregnant, I would be happy to bring another baby into the world and I would not love that baby any less. That being said, I still want to actively prevent that from happening again.
4 - I miss my girls and pre-pregnant me. I know what you're probably thinking; "you see them every day!". But what I mean is that I miss being able to play with them on the floor. Lay down on my stomach and color with them..things like that. I haven't been able to do that in a long time. I play with them as much as I can, and I can finally get on the floor again and be comfortable, but I still cant really lay on my stomach. Since I'm pumping, my boobs get way too full or start to hurt and I end up having to move basically right away. I cant wait until we can do that again. I miss my body too. I was just getting into shape and losing weight when I got pregnant with William. I was starting to finally feel good about how I looked. I'll get there again, but now I don't want to lose that...vain as that may sound. I miss feeling pretty and beautiful and I miss seeing Grant look at me when he doesn't think I notice. I don't want to give that up again.
I thought of more in the shower this morning, but that's all I could remember :) Part is me is really sad that we're done because we have so much love to give, but part of me is really happy at the same time. Now we can really get back to our "new normal" and be able to start doing things again as a family. We can really make memories and I don't feel like I'm slowing anyone down. Being pregnant 3 times in 4 years...I'm just burned out on being pregnant. I'm happy with our 3 beautiful/handsome children and my heart is happy. That's all a mother could ask for!
1 - My pregnancy wasn't as fun. Although I still loved feeling him move and kick, and being able to rub my tummy, I just didn't enjoy it like I had with the girls. I was only halfway through and getting ready to be done being pregnant. I still enjoyed the small things and am very blessed that I was able to carry and birth 3 healthy babies, I just couldn't wait until it was over. Not being able to drink alcohol or go out got to me way more than with the girls too. I know I could have gone out with friends being pregnant, but I always felt weird about it.
2 - I cant wait to get all healed up. When I had my girls, I was almost startled when I would realize that I didn't hurt as much or that I wasn't bleeding anymore. With William, I'm damn near counting the days until I'm back to 100%. I want to be able to run and exercise and just do all the stuff I haven't been able to. I'm in way more of a hurry to get better than I was before.
3 - The idea of getting pregnant again isn't as exciting. When I had Izzy, I was pretty ready to go again pretty soon after. After having Kensi, it took a bit more time, but I knew I wanted to have another baby. Now after having William, I don't relish the idea of getting pregnant again. If we did have an oops and I did get pregnant, I would be happy to bring another baby into the world and I would not love that baby any less. That being said, I still want to actively prevent that from happening again.
4 - I miss my girls and pre-pregnant me. I know what you're probably thinking; "you see them every day!". But what I mean is that I miss being able to play with them on the floor. Lay down on my stomach and color with them..things like that. I haven't been able to do that in a long time. I play with them as much as I can, and I can finally get on the floor again and be comfortable, but I still cant really lay on my stomach. Since I'm pumping, my boobs get way too full or start to hurt and I end up having to move basically right away. I cant wait until we can do that again. I miss my body too. I was just getting into shape and losing weight when I got pregnant with William. I was starting to finally feel good about how I looked. I'll get there again, but now I don't want to lose that...vain as that may sound. I miss feeling pretty and beautiful and I miss seeing Grant look at me when he doesn't think I notice. I don't want to give that up again.
I thought of more in the shower this morning, but that's all I could remember :) Part is me is really sad that we're done because we have so much love to give, but part of me is really happy at the same time. Now we can really get back to our "new normal" and be able to start doing things again as a family. We can really make memories and I don't feel like I'm slowing anyone down. Being pregnant 3 times in 4 years...I'm just burned out on being pregnant. I'm happy with our 3 beautiful/handsome children and my heart is happy. That's all a mother could ask for!
Wednesday, February 15, 2017
The silent victories after pregnancy
I was upstairs doing my business when I had an odd thought. I was going to text it to a friend who I knew would see the humor in it as I do. But then I thought of a few more like it, so I thought I'd put it on here instead.
Most of the things I read on the internet about "victories" after pregnancy are good, positive things. There have been a few that touch on things not talked about, but not very many. I've had 3 pregnancies, and 3 births. I've noticed with each one that there are things that I get really happy/excited about that people who haven't gone through it wouldn't really understand. Here they are for you to enjoy...and hopefully get a little laugh out of:
1 - Walking; after having my kids, I've noticed that for days afterward, I always have that "stomach drop" feeling whenever I get up and walk around. The best way I can explain it is that feeling you get in the pit of your stomach after a plane suddenly drops in altitude or when you're not quite ready for the elevator to go down when it does. Hopefully you get what I mean. Once you've felt that constantly for days, you really appreciate being able to walk normally again. Mine has been gone for a little while now, and I was so happy to feel normal when I walk again!
2 - Sitting down; Normally when you want to sit, you find somewhere and just cop a squat, right? Well after having kids, you don't get that luxury for a little bit. It's taken me almost 2 weeks and I still have to sit down a bit gingerly in case I pull or stretch my girly parts. I can get up much easier, but I still have to be careful not to slide off the couch. I have to actually lift my ass off and scoot towards the edge. It's annoying, and hard when I have William, but I'd rather do that than hurt myself more.
3 - Showering/Getting dressed; Especially after a shower! I cant just throw on clothes still, I have to make sure I have boobie pads ready and also girly pads so that nothing drips (or shoots out in the case of my boobs) onto the floor. It takes a little more time, and a lot more preparation to get ready for the day. I do miss the times when I could just hop in the shower whenever I had a free minute. Now I have to make sure I pump first so that I don't shoot out milk, then I have to make sure I have everything ready for after. It's not exactly quick and easy, and I'll have to deal with this for as long as I'm breastfeeding/pumping. So I haven't gotten to this victory yet, but it will be really nice when I do!
4 - Bathroom business; After having Isabelle, every time I had another baby, and I got moved to the recovery room...I was always so happy to see their "bag o' goodies" waiting for me in the bathroom. If you're a mom, you know what I'm talking about. That bag with the little water bottle, them lovely mesh undies, those medium to diaper sized pads, and the pain reliever spray in it. Childbirth is gross, and messy, and those things are a God send. That water bottle helps in tremendous ways when you have to go to the bathroom. As I'm getting better and healing, I've been using it less and less. Today was the first day I've been able to wipe myself without needing it and it not hurting! I almost did a little victory dance right in the bathroom!
There you go! There are probably more, but that's all I could think of right now. :)
Most of the things I read on the internet about "victories" after pregnancy are good, positive things. There have been a few that touch on things not talked about, but not very many. I've had 3 pregnancies, and 3 births. I've noticed with each one that there are things that I get really happy/excited about that people who haven't gone through it wouldn't really understand. Here they are for you to enjoy...and hopefully get a little laugh out of:
1 - Walking; after having my kids, I've noticed that for days afterward, I always have that "stomach drop" feeling whenever I get up and walk around. The best way I can explain it is that feeling you get in the pit of your stomach after a plane suddenly drops in altitude or when you're not quite ready for the elevator to go down when it does. Hopefully you get what I mean. Once you've felt that constantly for days, you really appreciate being able to walk normally again. Mine has been gone for a little while now, and I was so happy to feel normal when I walk again!
2 - Sitting down; Normally when you want to sit, you find somewhere and just cop a squat, right? Well after having kids, you don't get that luxury for a little bit. It's taken me almost 2 weeks and I still have to sit down a bit gingerly in case I pull or stretch my girly parts. I can get up much easier, but I still have to be careful not to slide off the couch. I have to actually lift my ass off and scoot towards the edge. It's annoying, and hard when I have William, but I'd rather do that than hurt myself more.
3 - Showering/Getting dressed; Especially after a shower! I cant just throw on clothes still, I have to make sure I have boobie pads ready and also girly pads so that nothing drips (or shoots out in the case of my boobs) onto the floor. It takes a little more time, and a lot more preparation to get ready for the day. I do miss the times when I could just hop in the shower whenever I had a free minute. Now I have to make sure I pump first so that I don't shoot out milk, then I have to make sure I have everything ready for after. It's not exactly quick and easy, and I'll have to deal with this for as long as I'm breastfeeding/pumping. So I haven't gotten to this victory yet, but it will be really nice when I do!
4 - Bathroom business; After having Isabelle, every time I had another baby, and I got moved to the recovery room...I was always so happy to see their "bag o' goodies" waiting for me in the bathroom. If you're a mom, you know what I'm talking about. That bag with the little water bottle, them lovely mesh undies, those medium to diaper sized pads, and the pain reliever spray in it. Childbirth is gross, and messy, and those things are a God send. That water bottle helps in tremendous ways when you have to go to the bathroom. As I'm getting better and healing, I've been using it less and less. Today was the first day I've been able to wipe myself without needing it and it not hurting! I almost did a little victory dance right in the bathroom!
There you go! There are probably more, but that's all I could think of right now. :)
Monday, February 6, 2017
Today is the first day of our "new normal"
Seems like forever I was waiting for William to make his debut, and the waiting was killing me! Grant and I were anxious, excited, stressed, and nervous all in one. I think a lot of the stress was mostly because we kept hearing it'd be way sooner than it was so we were on edge literally all the time thinking labor was imminent when really it wasn't. I'm really happy with the way it went down, even if it wasn't my original birth plan. I was hoping to go into labor naturally and do with all without an epidural. Well, I ended up getting induced and getting the epidural. You know what? I think it was a better experience because of it. Looking back on it, if I were to go into labor at home, I think it would have really affected Isabelle. She's got so much heart and she has all the feels, and if I were to really start contracting and hurting, I think it would have really scared and stressed her out. I'm sure she would have gotten over it, but still. I'm glad my baby girl didn't see that. So getting induced at the hospital was a really good thing. I had heard that if you don't get an epidural, that your recovery time is faster. But after having contractions for a while, I decided that I would rather not feel them and enjoy the process. I guess that just wasn't meant to be because even though I did get the epidural, it didn't work all the way. I still felt a lot of the pain of the contractions and even couldn't hold back pushing when it came time. Not sure how much it actually blocked, but going through that, I'm really glad it at least blocked some! Grant almost missed the whole show! Once I started feeling the urge to push, it didn't take long for William to come out. Grant had gone to get something to eat quick before everything happened, and he was just on his way back up when I called him to get back upstairs NOW. Once he got there, and I started pushing, William was out in 20 minutes. That's an hour faster than Kensi and 3.5 hours faster than Isabelle. Had I not called him, he could have very well missed most of the birth. It all worked out in the end, and I'm really happy about that.
Now Grant went back to work today. It makes me really sad he didn't get more time with us, but with him having to take vacation so much, he just couldn't afford to take off any more right now. So today is the start of our "new normal". My day started roughly at 5am when William woke up to eat, and while I got him back to sleep about 6a, I was only able to lightly doze until the girls got up about 7a. If you know my girls, keeping their voices to a dull roar is pretty much impossible, so I knew that I was up whether I liked it or not. I think that's going to work to my advantage in the long run because right now William has his days and nights mixed up. He sleeps for 4 to 5 hours during the day, if we let him, and is up every 2ish at night. Grant and I made sure that were never extra quiet when the girls were asleep so that they'd get used to noise. I think with the girls being loud, since I'm not going to quiet them down unless they get excessive with it, it should help him wake up a bit more during the day. Then hopefully at night he'll be tired enough where he'll sleep through the night more. Granted, he was only up a few times last night, so at least it wasn't horrible. It never seems to take long for us to get into a rhythm, so I think we'll have a good one soon. I can already tell my morning, after waking up, routine. It'll be get downstairs, set up my pump in my little station, get Ace out to pottied, get Kensi's milk/Izzy's breakfast, wash out all the pump stuff/caps/nipples/bottles, then pump again while William sleeps and the girls play. The only thing I really "worry" about is errands. I should be able to hold off on going to Walmart or Target or grocery shopping until Grant gets home, but I'm sure at one point it'll have to happen. Hopefully by then it'll be summer and I can wear William with a wrap rather than have to use a carseat or something. I'll have to figure it out somehow, but hopefully not until it gets warm out.
I'm so excited to start this new chapter in our lives and now our little family is complete. It's been and still is an absolute joy to watch the girls grow and see how their personalities develop and I cant wait until William's does too. Now to start planning for his monthly pictures and whatnot.
For anyone wondering, I'll tell you where his name came from. It's basically all on Grant's side. Grant's middle name is William and Ellis is (as I understand it) an old family name that can be dated back to the ancestor that immigrated to the US. I was kind of hoping to include a Komanetz name too, but I love his name. It's a good, strong name and I think it's going to suit him perfectly!!
Now Grant went back to work today. It makes me really sad he didn't get more time with us, but with him having to take vacation so much, he just couldn't afford to take off any more right now. So today is the start of our "new normal". My day started roughly at 5am when William woke up to eat, and while I got him back to sleep about 6a, I was only able to lightly doze until the girls got up about 7a. If you know my girls, keeping their voices to a dull roar is pretty much impossible, so I knew that I was up whether I liked it or not. I think that's going to work to my advantage in the long run because right now William has his days and nights mixed up. He sleeps for 4 to 5 hours during the day, if we let him, and is up every 2ish at night. Grant and I made sure that were never extra quiet when the girls were asleep so that they'd get used to noise. I think with the girls being loud, since I'm not going to quiet them down unless they get excessive with it, it should help him wake up a bit more during the day. Then hopefully at night he'll be tired enough where he'll sleep through the night more. Granted, he was only up a few times last night, so at least it wasn't horrible. It never seems to take long for us to get into a rhythm, so I think we'll have a good one soon. I can already tell my morning, after waking up, routine. It'll be get downstairs, set up my pump in my little station, get Ace out to pottied, get Kensi's milk/Izzy's breakfast, wash out all the pump stuff/caps/nipples/bottles, then pump again while William sleeps and the girls play. The only thing I really "worry" about is errands. I should be able to hold off on going to Walmart or Target or grocery shopping until Grant gets home, but I'm sure at one point it'll have to happen. Hopefully by then it'll be summer and I can wear William with a wrap rather than have to use a carseat or something. I'll have to figure it out somehow, but hopefully not until it gets warm out.
I'm so excited to start this new chapter in our lives and now our little family is complete. It's been and still is an absolute joy to watch the girls grow and see how their personalities develop and I cant wait until William's does too. Now to start planning for his monthly pictures and whatnot.
For anyone wondering, I'll tell you where his name came from. It's basically all on Grant's side. Grant's middle name is William and Ellis is (as I understand it) an old family name that can be dated back to the ancestor that immigrated to the US. I was kind of hoping to include a Komanetz name too, but I love his name. It's a good, strong name and I think it's going to suit him perfectly!!
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