I wont do that!

It's amazing how many things you thought you'd never do...you actually end up doing.  Ever since I've wanted kids, I've always had this list in my mind about the things I would and would not do.  I'd hear of people doing certain things with their kids and think to myself I'd never do that!.  Little did I know that what I did or did not want to do completely clashed with reality.  I've always wanted to make sure that the girls didn't depend on me being in their room/rocking/singing/laying with them in order to fall asleep.  My best friend once told me that she started rubbing her daughter's back while she fell asleep because she liked it.  Fast forward just a little bit and then her daughter couldn't fall asleep unless she was doing that.  When Izzy got into a toddler bed, I was adamant that I wouldn't do one certain thing like that so that she didn't start to depend on it.  It was going really well too!!  The only time I would let her into Grant's and my bed was if it was after a certain time, like 5am.  If it was before that, I would walk or carry her back into her own bed.  Then she started saying she was scared.  At first I think she really was legit scared, so I would sit in her room or rock in the chair until she fell asleep so she wouldn't be scared.  Well now it's hard to get her to stay in bed if I'm not in the room.  I've started to revert back to when she first got the bed.  If she came out, I would just take her hand and lead her right back.  Not say a word or anything.  It's not going the best, but I think after a bit, she'll figure it out again.  I really hope so!!

I don't get it

I'm a traditional person in some aspects; I believe if you get married, you should take your husbands name.  I believe you should never have children just because.  I believe you shouldn't get married because "it seems like fun".  I believe marriage is a sacred union between two people; gay, straight, bi, lesbian...that doesn't matter to me.  I also believe that you should never have to change your whole way of life or who you are because you married someone.  I've always viewed marriage as a partnership, each person there wanting the same things out of life.  For the longest time, I always changed things about who I was in order to make the other person happy.  It was part of the reason why I left my ex husband.  I realized that I wasn't being myself, and that he didn't make me happy. Being with Grant, I've never had to worry about that.  He's always accepted who I am and has never made me feel bad about it.  I've never felt that by being with him, I would lose everything that I had accomplished so far.  I was reading something on Facebook on marriage and someone said they didn't want to get married because "I could not have the life that I created for myself."  Now, I'm not 100% sure what she meant by that, but the first thing that popped into my head was that she would have to change her lifestyle.  But why?  I can't believe that if I had built an empire or anything, that Grant would make me stop it after we married...let me daydream about my own empire for a min.....ok done.  Anyway, I just don't understand that whole "I am woman, hear me roar...extreme style" way of thinking.  Being with someone shouldn't make you smaller or worth less or the need to give up your life, it should empower you and make you feel 10 feet tall and like you can rule the world.  Do I need a man to take care of me?  Hell no!  It is nice that once in a while he does.  But, one thing I've learned about myself is that I am a strong person, and if I had to, I could raise my girls by myself and do a damn good job.  I don't view Grant as my caretaker, I view him as my other half. Someone to share my life with, not give my life to.  If you marry someone, you should be standing by their side, not behind them or in front of them.  I believe marriage is being equal with your partner, and I'm really glad I found someone who feels the same!

Toddler Meals: Fantasy vs Reality

Being a SAHM, I find that one of the hardest things to figure out are meal times.  Breakfast, not so much because Izzy loves cereal and Kensi goes between that or oatmeal...easy peasy.  What gets me the most is lunches.  In a perfect world, I'd be giving them something like a small sandwich with fruit and/or crackers on the side with juice.  I'd have their intake of fruit and vegetables and dairy on their plate and they'd love it.  But I don't live in a perfect world.  I live in reality where my budget doesn't always allow me to get fruit all the time.  It's the one thing they don't get to eat a lot of.  It can be quite expensive during the summer, and pretty scarce during the winter.  Plus with Izzy being a little bit of a picky eater, she may love apples one day, then the next she refuses to eat them.  So I have to be a bit creative or just make mental notes.  I've looked at Pinterest for ideas, and I think I've gotten a few good ones, but there's still that obstacle of money.  We're a one income family, and if I have to choose between milk and fruit, you better believe I'm going for that milk.  Hopefully since we're doing a little better in the money department, I'll be able to get more.  This time I got the girls some apples and banana's, and at this moment they like them.  Once they get sick of them, I plan on making them into muffins and applesauce...so at least they wont go to waste.  I would love to get them kiwi, melons, grapes...ect, but that will have to wait for a bit.  Right now, I'll just get them here and there and slowly work my way up to different, a little more exotic (kiwi) fruits when I can.

It's getting better

When I used to work at Petro, I decided that I couldn't be with a guy that was gone all the time.  I'm the type of person that needs to see or be with my significant other kind of a lot.  I'll admit it, I'm a little needy in that respect.  The good thing on my part is I found someone who is the exact same way.  Ok so that was decided...not fast forward to a few years ago.  Grant was unhappy with his job even though he was home every night.  He asked me what I thought about it, and my only hangup was that he could be gone for days at a time every week.  Home every weekend, holidays off, and during the summer he could have Friday's off too...but he could be gone from Monday through Friday, or at least Monday through Wednesday.  I had a hard time with it because I'd be the "primary" parent for the girls.  Now I don't say primary as in more important...but just I'm doing most of the parenting.  But the job would be a huge boost for us financially.  When it came down to it, our family is the most important thing in our lives so we decided he'd go for it.  I wont lie, it's been hard.  It was a big adjustment.  I was still working when he switched, so I had to really step up.  My days would go like this:  I'd get up for work, shower and get dressed, get the girls up, dressed, and fed, take them to daycare, go to work, work from 830-530, pick up the girls from daycare, get home and make supper, get the girls in the bath, have playtime, do bedtime with them, stay up for a few more hours then I go to bed.  After a few days, it gets hard to be the only one there for the girls.  When Grant gets home, he's tired and I cant really pawn the girls off on him because he needs some relaxing time too.  It was a really tricky road.  It got easier, especially after I stopped working.  But I still had a hard time with him gone because I missed him and I don't get a lot of "me" time.  Little frustrations would get to me, and I'd get really focused on doing things right.  But I've started to turn my thinking around.  Instead of worrying so much about their TV/movie time, what we're going to have for supper, are they brushing their teeth right, how many times I have to pick up the house...ect, I started really just enjoying the time I have with them.  It's only a few years before Izzy starts school and I wont have unlimited time with her.  Little things still get to me once in a while, but I'm really enjoying my time and we're so much happier!

When does helping turn into habit?

Since the girls were born, I've been adamant that I didn't want them to depend on one thing to fall asleep; having me in the room or singing laying in bed with her, and part of it is that I wont fit into her bed lol.  I'm just as adamant now, but it's a little hard to walk that fine line between doing it to help her and it's becoming a habit for her.  There's been times where she'll say she's scared, but I can tell it's just a ploy for her to stay up longer.  But some days it's really hard to tell if she's actually scared or it being a ploy.  Tonight was hard because it took an hour to keep her in bed.  She wanted me to sing to her 5 different times, she was "scared" about 6 times, she wanted to come sit by me once, and she used Kensi as an excuse twice.  I blame the last few nights on the time change.  She's been essentially going to bed at 7p and I'm sure her body isn't quite tired yet.  So what do I do?  Do I sit in the room when she wants?  Do I sing 5 times if she wants me to?  It's a damn fine line, and walking it is really hard!

I'm not a bad mom...

Tonight was not a good bedtime night.  Started out normal enough; I supervised teeth brushing while Grant got their water cups ready, I picked out the bedtime book, and got them on my lap for story time. We read the story, and I tucked them in then said goodnight. That's where things went downhill. Isabelle just kept coming out, and coming out, and coming out...for over an hour. One of the last times, Grant and I weren't thinking and went outside to grab things from the vehicles right after we put her back to bed. While we were outside, Isabelle came out of her room and couldn't find us. I found her at the back step crying and saying she didn't want to go to bed. Well I missed the signs of her being scared and got on her like I had been. Grant came in their room, scooped her up, and rocked with her in the chair til she fell asleep. I'm not sure how I missed that she was scared, but it makes me feel terrible, like I failed her in some way. I was only taking her words at face value instead of seeing below that like I normally do. I know I'm not perfect, and will miss things here and there...but I'm still a good mom and I know come tomorrow, she'll hug me and tell me she loves me throughout the day like she normally does. I just have to keep reminding myself of that. 

When did acronyms become the norm?

Im reading a "14 Things 90's Kids Would Understand" type article and one of the pictures was of Joshua Jackson when he was Dawson's Creek.  The caption said "BAE AF".  It took me a minute to remember what AF means (as fuck when I looked it up), and it got me thinking.  When did everything become an acronym or an extremely abbreviated version of the real word?  As someone who hates bad grammar and misspelling, I can't tell you how much it grates on my nerves to be reading posts that have either "except" instead of "accept" or "I went 2 da store 2day" as the status.  In a time when we live our lives in 140 or less characters, I understand why it started.  But for things like Facebook where you have basically unlimited space to type, why wouldn't you want to make sure you're spelling things right?  We have had spellcheck for a long time now, there should be no reason that you're spelling things wrong!  I have had to skip or stop reading long posts from friends because I can't stand the way it's written.  I personally think that it makes people sound stupid and uneducated.  I've heard that some companies are looking at potential employees Facebook pages in deciding whether to interview them.  I know my statuses aren't Ivy League material, but I sure try to make sure that I don't sound like I didn't pass Kindergarten.
So many things are getting lost as times change, and it seems that this is one of them.  I would hope that as my kids get older, they don't lose the importance of good grammar and correct spellings, no matter where they're typing/writing things out.  Not everything can stand the test of time, but I honestly and seriously hope that this is one thing that never gets lost.

I Believe Music Is Important

I love music.  Whenever I have the TV off, I always have some sort of music on; whether it's the radio or Pandora or just a playlist on my phone.  I always try to mix it up a bit so the girls get a lot of exposure to different types.  I don't want them to only listen to Y94 or Froggy or anything... I want them to have a taste for all music, like I do.  I love almost everything except for older country.  Growing up, I remember my dad having music on kind of a lot.  When he was "shoveling" out the house, which was just a big cleaning spree, he was in the shower, or just if the TV was off.  Nowadays, when the family gets together at his place, he always has music going when I walk in.  I think I get my love of having music on from him.  I played flute in band in high school, and I really hope the girls want to play something.  If they don't, then I wont force them, but I really hope they do.  I think it's important to have music in your life.  I like to think that it helps nurture the creative parts of their mind.  I hope that when they grow up, they love listening to music like I do.  It's one of the many things I hope to pass to them too.  When we buy a house, I'd love to have speakers in every room of the house, even the bathroom!  If not, then I always have my phone!!

Friendships

Friendships are a funny thing.  I just got done watching “Something Borrowed” with Kate Hudson and Ginnifer Goodwin.  It got me thinking about friendships and what makes a good friend and what makes a bad friend.  When you have been friends with someone for such a long time, does that mean that eveything they do, good or bad, you should forgive them for?  At what point, do you stop and decide that they’re just not a good friend anymore?
Friendships are always a two way street.  They’re like a relationship.  They dont just happen and you have to work at them a lot.  It cant always be one sided and both people have to want to be in it.  If one person does all the work, is that a friendship?  Life happens and I get that.  People start to go their seperate ways, life changes, and there’s never enough time in the day to do everything that you want to do.  On the list of the important things, is friendships the one thing that can be down at the bottom?  When life gets tough, your best friend is supposed to be the one person you know you can go to with anything.  The one person that wont judge you.  What happens to you when things start happening in their life?  Do you just fade into the background?  At what point do you just give up?

Wow, It's Been a While!

Wow, I forgot I even had this blog.  I started it feeling really conflicted about a friendship I have, and intended to keep it as a place to get down all my thoughts.  But after that day, this thing slipped my mind.  A few things have changed since I was on here last; mainly I now have two daughters.  My husband, Grant, and I welcomed our firstborn Isabelle in 2013.  She was the 2nd most amazing thing that has happened to me.  The first being I married the one guy who gets me and is my other half.  Finding out I was pregnant was a day I wont forget.  I knew something was up even after 3 negative tests; two pee tests and one blood test.  The missed period was a dead giveaway, but it still took my body another few weeks to decide to give that positive test.  When I saw those lines, the first thing I did was send a picture to my best friend to make sure I wasnt seeing things.  I then told Grant, who I woke up to tell.  He just said “ok” then rolled over and fell asleep.  Fast forward 2 hours when he had woken up and taken a shower.  He comes out of the bedroom and goes “ok, now what was that?” lol The rest of that day was more of a blur than anything.  After the shock wore off, I was terrified as hell.  What did I know about becoming a mother?  I had just gotten married 8 months before and was still adjusting to being a wife.  Granted, Grant and I work amazingly well together so it wasnt that big of an adjustment…but still.  But I loved everything about that pregnancy.  I loved feeling my baby girl kick, and I was always putting my hands on my stomach.  Grant called me a “rubber” because any time I didnt have anything in my hands, they were rubbing my stomach.  Started when I started showing and didnt stop until a little after I had her.  Now my baby is going to be 2 years old in a few days, and she’s such a little person!  She’s starting to talk more and she’s got such personality!  It’s so hard to be mad at her sometimes because either she reminds me of me or she’s so damn cute I have to fight not to smile.
Then we welcomed our Kensi girl, my second born in May 2014.  After Izzy was born, Grant and I took on the “well if it happens it happens” approach.  But we didnt think I’d get pregnant as quick as I did.  It only took a few months after we were active again, and we thought it would take longer.  When I got the positive test, it was the first test I took.  I sent him a picture of it and he replied asking what that meant.  I told him that we were going to have another baby and he sent back “yay” lol  I loved that pregnancy too, but it was a little harder than Izzy.  Mostly because I had Izzy to take care of, and that’s hard when you’re 8 months pregnant.  But I did the same things with that pregnancy that I had done with Isabelle’s.  I was rubbing my stomach nonstop and always saying when she kicked.  Now she’s 8 months old and her personality is starting to come though.  Where Isabelle is so outgoing and a bubble of energy, Kensi is so quiet and serious.  She’ll stare at a toy to figure it out and Isabelle will grab it and immediately start to shake it.
Having the girls has been so awesome, but also really only thing I know right now.  So be prepared for my posts to be mostly about motherhood, marriage, and the words of wisdom I have gained thus far.

Childhood Friends

I saw a picture on Facebook (apparently this is where I get a lot of my thoughts lol) that said who was your best friend when you were 8 years old and to tag that person. I was about to share it and tag my best friend, Heather, but I realized that she wasn’t my best friend when I was 8. We didn’t become best friends until I was in like 7th grade. Before her, I was best friends with a girl named Kathy. I have no idea when we became friends since I don’t remember a lot from when I was a kid. But I remember a lot about our friendship. She lived across the park, and Id ask my mom a lot if I could go and see if she could play. That was back when people actually went to someone else’s house to see if they wanted to play instead of texting..well cell phones didn’t exist then. We had a lot of sleepovers and spent a lot of time together. I became really good friends with her sister too..hmmm I see a pattern lol. One thing I don’t remember is why we stopped being friends. I know that I went to Casselton to start 7th grade and she didn’t, but I don’t know what happened to make us have a falling out. The only thing I can remember is we happened to be getting off our respective buses at the same time and I said hi to her…I cant remember her exact reply, but it wasn’t exactly on the nice scale. I often wonder what she’d be like now and if we got to talking again, would we be friends again? I saw her profile on Facebook, and it seems like she’s doing well. Cant help but be a little sad that I had lost a childhood friend. There are a lot of people that are still friends with those they grew up with, and I don’t really have that. I have a couple, but that’s it. Grant has friends that he went all the way from Kindergarten to graduating with. I envy that in a way. He doesn’t get together with them very often anymore, but that’s mostly because he doesn’t invite them out.. I try to hold onto the friends I have now, but it is a little hard. A lot of us are in different directions or just are living life. I wonder if Kathy and I would be like that now too…oh well, such is life, right?

Best Friends Forever...right??

Ive seen this picture go around Facebook quite a few times, and in a few different ways. It’s one that says something to the effect of “we’ll be best friends forever…mostly because you know too much” or something like that. I’m pretty sure I shared it and tagged my best friend, and I’m also sure she liked it. It did get me thinking though. Her and I have been best friends since we were in junior high together. She graduated a year ahead of me, but we have still maintained our best friend status through all these years. I find it amazing and not a little crazy. I’m not sure what any statistics are, but I cant imagine that there are a whole crap ton of people that can say they’ve had the same best friend for umpteen years. Maybe there is, I don’t know.
Sometimes I start to worry that maybe our lives have gone too different of paths. She had her daughter (my goddaughter) 8 years ago, and since then they’ve been doing things like pageants and gymnastics and just a bunch of stuff ever since. They seem to be go go go, whereas I married a guy, only to divorce him less than a year later, then got married again and had two daughters. I’ve never wanted to do the pageants or things like that, even though I’ve been told countless times that I should put Isabelle in some contests because she’s so pretty, and am very laid back. I’m more of the mindset of letting her play outside and go to the park and ride her bike around the block. Granted, Izzy is only 2, but I’d want her to do the things I did. We parent in such different ways, and that surprised me. Other than the year where we were in a fight (the longest year of my life), we’ve always been friends. I’ve been her therapist, and she’s been my sounding board. She’s been with me through the worst of times, and the best of times…and does know everything about me; good or bad. But there have been times where I thought our friendship has ran its course and I’m just not willing to let go. I know I get a little too inside my own head and worry about things I shouldn’t, and that’s something I’ll have to work on. When we do get together, it’s like that clichéd saying, we pick up basically where we left off. But it doesn’t seem to happen very often. I’ll hear of friends who get together every week or every other week or something, and it makes me a little jealous. We did have a while where we met for lunch at least once a month. But then something happened, and that just kind of fizzled out. And now we really don’t hang out much at all. Part of it is my fault for not extending an invite, but I got so used to not being able to do anything because of money. You say no to enough invites, and people stop asking you to do things. Now with the girls and not really knowing when Grant will be home, I never know when I’ll be free to do something unless it’s the weekend, and usually people are busy on weekends anyway. Makes it a little tough.. Wish I could get out of my head a little more. Friendships are always a two way street…one person cant always be the one making the effort. I might have to effort me in for a beer pretty soon

No Paci - Cold Turkey :S

We’re on day 3 of no pacifiers. It’s getting better each day so far, but damn has it been a hard few days. During the daytime isn’t so bad because they never had them while they were awake anyway. But naps and bedtime have really been a challenge. We probably should have pulled them a little sooner, but with Kensi only being 15 months old, we didn’t want to pull it too early…or rather I didn’t. Grant didn’t really seem to care at this point yet. Kensi never really seemed to latch on the to the paci’s like Izzy did, but I had been noticing that she’s been getting really used to it. So before she got too addicted, I really wanted to get them gone. We still have the door open for a 3rd child, but with paci’s, you can always buy new ones. It’s not like they break the bank. We had been getting suggestions for slowly pulling them, or giving them the paci’s one night but not the next, or altering them in some way so that they don’t feel good on their tongues anymore until they throw them away by themselves. But with our girls, they probably wouldn’t have thrown them away at all! So we decided the best way to go was just cold turkey. I went through the house, and all the hiding places, rounded them up in a plastic bag, and threw them in the outside garbage. Two reasons I threw them in that one; 1-so the girls wouldn’t see them and want them back and 2 – so we wouldn’t cave and give them back. That first night, oh God I thought about caving, but remembered that they were literally gone so I couldn’t even if I wanted to. I’m really glad I’m a SAHM for this, because I didn’t get a whole lot of sleep. Kensi woke up once, and she WOULD NOT GO BACK DOWN for over an hour. I gave her some water, rocked her, and even sang to her. She just thought it was a game and tried poking me in the eye. After I put her down, I figured she’d tire herself out and fall asleep. Nope, she woke up Grant. He thought I hadn’t been up yet, so he gave her more water…which finally put her back to sleep. Then Isabelle woke up and I had to sit with her for a bit til she fell back asleep. Didn’t take too long, but at 4am when I’ve already been up a few times, it felt like forever. But at least she fell asleep and I could get some sleep too. Last night was better they only woke up once each, and it was far enough apart that I could sleep.
I’m really glad we’re doing the cold turkey thing. It seems to be working. Kensi still naps enough to where she’s good until bed. Izzy hasn’t really needed a nap, and she’s been good til bedtime too. It takes them about a half hour to fall asleep at night, and I’ll take it! Hopefully it’ll just keep getting better and better!!

The Students are Teaching the Teacher

Watching my girls play and it’s such a cute sight. They’re only 1 and 2, but they’ve already taught me a lot about life. Here a few things they’ve taught me so far:
1 – Slow down and enjoy the simple things: I’m watching Kensi have so much fun just walking around on a blanket. Isabelle spread a blanket on the floor, and Kensi stepped on it. She’s just walking in circles and squealing every few seconds. As I’m writing this, Isabelle has brought me a total of 5 blankets and has had me spread them out on the floor, one on top of the other. When it was done, she got excited, and basically threw herself on it. It’s about the little things..
2 – Your heart does stretch: When Isabelle came along, I didn’t think I could love something or someone any more, but then Kensi came along. I cant even begin to try and explain how much I love those girls. every day, my heart just feels like it’s about to burst with love. But there are times where it hits me again that I’m a mother to two beautiful girls, and my cup runneth over in a huge way. If we have another baby, my heart will stretch to accommodate the love I will feel for that child too. Me as a mother, there’s always more room in my heart for my children.
3 – Don’t take yourself too seriously: I don’t care if I am the president of the United States, the CEO of a huge corporation, or the owner of a small business. When my girls want to get silly and play, you better believe that I’m going to get silly with them. When walking through stores with them when they were infants, I would do the silly faces and the odd sounds just so I could see them laugh. Isabelle has got down on the floor of said stores and started hopping like a frog. You just have to laugh at those times. Who cares if other people look at you. It’s not about them, it’s about you and your child.
4 – There’s always time to play: This one is a little harder for me to remember. I’m a bit OCD in some ways and I like my house neat and tidy. I’ve gotten a lot better since they came along, but I still need to be able to clean the house sometimes. But I’ve been able to learn that it doesn’t need to be done RIGHT NOW. There are times where I’ve been in the middle of cleaning something up, and one of the girls has come into the room and want to play. Unless what I’m doing cannot wait, I go and play. It’s clichéd, I know, but they’re only this young once. I don’t want to miss out on too much.
5 – Patience: This one is kind of a given, but it takes it to a whole new level for me. Ive always been a patient person, I’ve always had that desire to help and teach. But now as I type this out, Isabelle is having a tantrum because I wouldn’t hold up a blanket so that she could slide down it. I don’t plan on sitting in the office chair holding a blanket for an extended period of time so she can slide down it. She realized she could by accident one day, and now she always wants to. Trying to get her to quit crying and whining wasn’t working, so I’m going with the just ignore and she stops route. It does work, just sometimes takes a bit longer than Id like. But it’s hard to listen to her whine and cry without getting frustrated by it and snapping at her. The ignoring her is effective, but it requires the patience that some people don’t have.
The girls have taught me so much already, and I hope that I don’t forget any of it!

Yes, I Raise My Voice

Kensi’s getting to the age where she hits and/or bites. It wasn’t that big of a deal with Isabelle because we nipped that right away. With Kensi, she’s being a little more stubborn about giving it up. Also she loves to get into Ace’s dog food…as did Isabelle. So trying to teach her what to stay away from and what she can play with hasn’t always been easy. Some things she must not have cared enough to keep pushing because she’ll leave it alone right away. Other things, like Ace’s dog food, she’ll go back to it dozens of times before I can get her to leave it alone. I’ve read a lot of articles and blogs that say you should be telling them they shouldn’t do that in a calm, but assertive manner. I’m sorry, but my kids are 1 and 2…they don’t get calm and assertive. To them, if I’m down at their level talking calmly, then it’s a game and mommy is just being silly. I’m the type of parent that I parent similar to how my parents raised me. I don’t do everything they did, but I have adopted some things and some things have just surfaced as the way I parent. One of those ways is raising my voice to the girls. Now, don’t get your panties in a twist, I don’t sit there and scream and yell at them. I’d never do that to my kids so that they’re afraid of me. But I do raise my voice so they know I’m serious. Like when Izzy gets into a real tizzy and cant seem to calm down, I cant talk in a calm voice or she wont hear me. I have to snap her out of it so I say “hey!” louder than she’s yelling and crying. It usually snaps her out of it to where she can calm down again. Other times it’s where she has taken a toy away from Kensi and wont give it back no matter how many times I calmly tell her to. So I raise my voice and make it stern so she knows I mean business and that changes her tune pretty quick.
I know that my girls are people too and should be respected, but on the other side of that coin, they are my kids and I am their mother. They listen to me and do what I say. I’m old fashioned like that. I have to roll my eyes when I am told that I should ask their permission to change their diaper or wipe their face or anything like that. I don’t. I get in and do it. Not everyone parents or thinks like me, but that’s what I do and judging by how happy and how well behaved my daughters are, I’d say I’m doing a pretty damn good job!

Ready...Set...Run!!

I started running again. Ive gone a few times so far, and Im really hoping to keep up with it. Ive missed it, but it’s really hard to get back to where I was. After having the girls, I don’t plan on getting pregnant again for a few years. Grant wants the girls to be out of diapers, and Im in agreement with that.. well at least having Isabelle out of diapers and getting into our own house. Those are my timepoints. So until that time, I decided I needed to do something about getting back into shape. Ive felt bad about my body for a really long time now, and I cant even count the times Ive started something, only to stop a little bit into it. Im now banned from ever having a gym membership again because I’d go for a little while then stop altogether. But Im ok with that. I know I do it, and it’s not fair to our finances to do that. So I have to find something that’s more doable for me. Having a double stroller and taking the girls for a walk does help keep me active and moving, but there are times where it’s way too hot outside for the girls to be out for any extended periods of time. So I cant do that all the time or every day. Grant and I really want to get bikes and get that bike trailer for them so we can take them on bike rides, but that’d cost easily $400 for two bikes and the trailer.. and that’s on the conservative side.
I had to start thinking of other ways I could keep active. Being at home with the girls helps because we can at least go in the backyard and play. I sometimes get a little too comfy on the camping chairs, but I try and play with them. I also bought a Jillian Michaels DVD to help, and that does help. But it’s kind of boring the stand in front of the TV and do stuff. I kept going back to running, but I couldn’t figure out how to do it with the girls. We don’t have a jogging stroller and it really wouldn’t be cost effective to get one. But I did think of something. Since Grant’s home some of the week, I decided on the days he’s home is when I’d go for my run. On the days he’s gone for the night, I’ll do my DVD. That way I am at least doing something every day. But now to get started. I keep thinking back to when I was in track and how in shape I was. It’s hard not to compare myself from then to now. Because that’s really not helpful…I was 17/18 and my body was so different. But at the same time, it does help in a way to remember how much fun I had and how I was a little more ok with my body.
I started my running almost a week ago. The first time, I really just went around the block twice. Ya that was pretty pathetic. But it was a start. Earlier in the week, I downloaded a running app to track my progress and started the “Couch to 5K” program, but modified it a bit. It took me 25min to do 1.6 miles. Compared to how long it took me to run a mile in high school, ya that’s horrible! But it’s a starting point, and you have to start somewhere. I felt way better after running than I do after my DVD so hopefully that’ll keep me going! Plus having music to listen to, that really helps too. I saw on my Facebook that someone had said how great they feel while they run. I started thinking about it, and I feel some of those ways too; confident, sexy, proud, and confident. I feel….better. I don’t know how else to describe it. Now to just make sure I don’t flake out and start making excuses for not going on my run!! 

A Month Down!

I cant believe it’s already been a month that I’ve been staying home with the girls. Some days it feels like it was just yesterday that I quit my job, and other days it feels like forever and a day! I can already tell that Ace has really gotten used to us being home all of the time. Whenever I take the girls to the park or somewhere that he can’t come with, he gets really upset and whines and barks after we’ve left. He seems to really like having us home. Poor guy doesn’t really get much of a break, but he doesn’t seem to mind. Even now when Im typing this out, he’s stationed beside Kensi’s high chair waiting for her to drop some of her lunch. She hasn’t disappointed him yet! The little guy is going to get fat from all the food the girls drop for him!
There has only been a few times that Isabelle has asked to go back to daycare. At first it made me feel sad because I thought she liked being home with me. But Grant said that after a few years (or even less time) she really wont remember what it was like to be at daycare. Which she did have some great memories of daycare, but I can do without her asking to go back. Grant told me that he’s seen how much the girls love being home with me. They’re happier, they haven’t gotten sick once, and Im a lot less stressed and more happy too. I don’t get upset at little things anymore, and Ace stealing their sandwiches don’t make me as mad.
But now I have to find ways to save money here and there. We’re by no means scraping to get food in the pantry or diapers on the girls, but every little bit helps! I’ve already found a few things here and there that I can do. Like not putting pots and pans in the dishwasher and hand washing those. That way I don’t run the dishwasher as much and we don’t go through the little soap packets as fast. Or if Grant can let me know in advance that we’ll be going shopping, I can look for coupons or look at the Cartwheel app for Target. The biggest saver I think is going to be the amount I drive. Now that Im not going back and forth to work and daycare, I drive a ton less which will save on gas. I’ll have to go somewhere at least once a week so the gas doesn’t just sit and get bad, but other than that, unless something happens, I really don’t need to go anywhere.
I’ve been really getting into my flowers too! I planted some Stargazer Lillies and have been really excited to see them bloom. There’s other flowers too, and I didn’t think I’d get into them as much as I have! Maybe gardening will be the thing I get into; my hobby! I want to start a small vegetable garden in the backyard too. Not anything big, but just a few things to start off with that we use a ton of; tomatoes, cucumbers, garlic, potatoes… nothing too big.
I am so glad that I am able to stay at home with the girls. I was a little worried at first if I could do it, but Im seeing what a great opportunity this is for us! I love watching the girls get into trouble, and just seeing them grow!

Is It Really Important?

I was home for the 4th of July, and got asked if I had nursed my youngest, Kensi. I answered it without really thinking (I didn’t nurse, but I did pump), but I got to thinking about it later. Why is it important to know how I fed my daughter?  Shouldn’t it be enough to know I fed my girls and they’re healthy and happy? I see this question get asked A LOT and I guess I don’t get it. I am guilty of asking the question myself, and usually the reason why is to know that Im not alone in the non-nursing group. I felt bad that I didn’t nurse the girls because there’s a lot of pressure to and you hear everywhere that BM is so much better for babies than formula. It’s a little insane the amount of personal questions that get asked when you’re pregnant or have had a baby. But I do understand the why of it to a point. A lot of the time, I hesitate a little before answering. Because I know whatever answer I give, there will always be a follow up question. Usually it’s “how long?” or “pump or nurse” or something like that. With both girls, I always had enough stored to be able to give them BM for a few months after I quit pumping.
I had no problems switching to formula when the milk ran out. I knew it wouldn’t last until they were able to eat solid foods, and I was ok with that. A few months after Isabelle was born, we went to my in-laws for a visit. One of their friends was visiting and she asked if I was breast feeding or giving formula. When I said I was breast feeding, she goes “oh thank God, formula is poison and Im so glad you’re not giving your baby that!” or something to that effect. I didn’t say anything much, but Im thinking what a way to make someone feel bad if they have to give the baby formula. No offense to anyone, but formula is not the devil. If it was bad for the baby, they wouldn’t make it. Granted, BM is better because it helps with immunity and things like that, but formula gives the nourishment that babies need. Last time I checked, that was important too.
Both of my girls are well passed the formula stage, but we still have the “third child door” open. If we do have that 3rd child, Im still going to answer the questions of BM vs formula, but im going to be asking myself why the need to know. And if we do need to get formula, Im not going to feel bad about it. All you need to know is that Im feeding my child whatever is needed to be healthy and happy… how about we leave it at that?

One Week Down

I’ve got one full week of being at STAHM under my belt. Once I realized I just had to be mommy, and not super mommy, it got a lot easier. It wasn’t exactly hard before, but I took some of the pressure off of myself and just enjoyed being at home with the girls. Every once in a while I ask Isabelle if she likes mommy being at home and I get a very enthusiastic YES! so I know they are just loving it. I absolutely love getting up in the morning and seeing Kensi’s grinning face. They’ve been waking up so happy! I’ve also been working with Izzy on staying in her room at night. It’s going pretty ok, but not there yet. She’s gotten really used to the door being locked so it being unlocked and her being able to come out is still really awesome to her. Last night, Grant ended up locking the door after she had come downstairs 4 times, and by that 4th time, she was just standing on the landing out of our line of sight because she knew if we realized she was there, we’d bring her back upstairs. it’s a work in progress for sure. It’s hard to not just let her sleep in our bed so we can all go back to bed, but I’m sticking to my guns! Or at least trying to lol She’s been talking really well too so Grant and I have to make sure that we’re talking a little better too. We don’t want her growing up and talking like she never finished high school. Especially now with social media and abbreviating things or spelling things wrong. Things like “gonna” instead of “going to” and “would of” instead of “would have”… I’m big into grammar like that so it shouldn’t be too hard for me
Kensi has been such a walking demon, it’s so crazy! Once she stopped having to concentrate so hard, she just takes off! She’s been doing really well! She doesn’t need the walking toys as much, but she still uses them. We can tell she’s getting tired when she falls a lot more than she has been, then gets mad that she fell. She’s getting so big, I’m so glad I’m here to see it. Wont be too long before she’s walking as well as Izzy is. She’s starting to talk/babble more too. You can tell she’s trying to tell you something. If you’re not getting it, she’ll repeat it almost exactly as she said it before. Trying to get her to say mama or dada, but right now it’s just mamamama and dadadada so we’re close!

The New Adventure Begins

So a few weeks ago (man it already seems like such a long time ago), Grant and I got a letter from the state saying that our childcare assistance would be cancelled. It said we made too much. We just looked at each other really confused. But once we looked at the checks we had sent as proof of income, we realized that they were taking some overtime Grant had gotten as regular income. We both tried talking to our contact, but to no avail. It didn’t matter,, as of July 1 our assistance would be done. We had a choice. We could keep the girls in daycare, and I could keep working. Or, we could pull the girls from daycare and I would stay home with them full time. Now my dream has to be a stay at home mom for as long as I have been wanting kids. But it really became a dream once Isabelle was born. But we had to look at the numbers to see which would be best for our family. Once we crunched the numbers, we realized that it would be pretty close to the same either way. So then the decision became; which is best? Me staying home with them or them going to daycare and getting the social interaction? We had to make a decision quick because July 1 was coming and I still needed to put in my notice at work and also with the daycare if we decided that I would stay home. We talked about it all that weekend, and the decision was made; I was going to stay home. Gave my notice at work and the daycare that the last day for basically everything was June 30th. Now, the girls and I had to make it that far without getting sick or me just getting fed up with work. I was already on a warning for my attendance because the girls kept getting sick at daycare, so I was close to getting fired. With only three more days til they were done, Isabelle got a fever of 102. Since if I was to call in one more time at work, I would be fired anyway, Grant and I decided that it would be better if I just said that was my last day was last Thursday and for the girls too. So, I am now a stay at home mommy! I’ve been dreaming about this for a long time, and now that it’s a reality… Im super nervous. I’ve never been one for big changes, and this was a pretty big one. What if the reality was way different than my fantasy? What if I realized I couldn’t do it? What if I just sucked at it? Well, my friends, we are about to find out. Today is the first day of our adventure. I say today instead of last Friday because now Grant’s at work and reality is happening. And you know what? I’ve pretty much stopped being nervous. I get to be at home and watch my children grow. I get to see their silliness and playfulness, as well as their crabbiness and stubbornness every day. I get to see the smiles and the laughing and the random hugs. I get to watch Kensi start totally walking all around the house as opposed to just a few steps here and there, and I get to teach Isabelle how to use the potty instead of someone else doing it. Granted, as far as daycares go, the one they were at was pretty good. They loved my girls and my girls loved them. But nothing beats mommy and daddy and now I don’t have to listen to Isabelle cry when I leave for work. Or hear her say she doesn’t want mommy to work on the way to daycare. Im pretty damn lucky, and I know that. I plan to make sure that I remember that. I know there are going to be days where I feel like Im doing horrible, or there are going to be days that the girls are just being crabby patties. There’s always going to be bad with the good. Im not thinking this is going to be all roses and fairy tales, but I’m going to be with my girls and I cant ask for anything more than that!

Am I The Oddity?

I recently saw this little commercial on Facebook. It was about a guy who goes to the doghouse because he got his wife a vacuum as a gift. Am I the only one that doesn’t see what’s so bad about that? Grant has gotten me a few appliances, and I have been happy as hell to get them. The only thing I can understand is if it wasn’t something I wanted or asked for. I’ve gotten a coffee pot, and more recently a fridge. If I came home to find out he had bought me a new stove or something, Id be happy! I think being raised with four brothers, I probably don’t think like the average girl. Why do gifts have to be certain things? I don’t need jewelry, although I wouldn’t say no to it. What wife manual says that he has to get me really expensive things? But maybe it’s because I love doing things for the house. I like keeping it clean and making sure everything is in it’s place. I know my OCD does get the best of me here and there, especially with two small girls. I get just as much excitement from getting our fridge as I did from him buying me my ”mommy” necklace for Christmas a few years ago. Remember that commercial where the woman stands at the entrance to the kitchen and keeps turning on and off the light with a smile on her face? The camera turns to what she’s looking at and it’s a stainless steel fridge. Ya, I was like that. But maybe Im the oddity. Or it could be that I’ve grown up a little bit…but I’ve always thought like this. There’s no right or wrong gift for me. If you I’ll like it or Ive made noise about wanting it…it’s fair game. Vacuums, coffee pots, appliances, jewelry, I’d take any of it!

Please God, Go To Sleep!

Today the girls and I went for a walk after supper. Normally our routine is to get in the bath, then get jammers on and watch a movie before bed. But last night was pretty horrible for me, sleep wise. Isabelle decided that she didn’t want to fall asleep. She’d fall asleep, then wake up about 10 minutes later and if I wasn’t in the room, she’d come find me. Now, for the most part, my bed is banned to her. I don’t want her to get used to always sleeping in my bed to where she wont sleep in her own bed. I hear stories from other people all the time to where their kid sleeps in the parents bed so now that’s the only place they’ll sleep. Im not judging you, but now that your kid wont sleep in their own bed, that’s pretty much your fault. And because I hear all these stories, I know how hard it is to break that habit. So Im trying my damndest not to even start that. But last night, I caved. After the third time of putting her back in bed, then having to stand there while she falls asleep, then try and sneak out like a figgin ninja so she doesn’t wake up…only to have her wake up about a half hour later then start crying my name, I was just exhausted and it was around midnight. So since Grant isn’t home for work again, I let her sleep in my bed. She went right down. The only reason I caved is because every time she’d wake up, her crying my name sounded more like she was actually scared. I knew if we didn’t get any sleep, she’d be a crab ass the next day. So today, I figured if we took a walk, being in the fresh air for a while would help tire her out. At first I didn’t think we’d be out that long, but it ended up being almost 45min! We got home, got them in jammers, and brushed their teeth. Let them dink around for a bit, then we read our book and I put them down. It’s now over a half hour later, and Isabelle is still up and saying “mommy” every once in a while. I don’t get how she’s not exhausted and about ready to pass out! I bet you my last dollar that she’s laying in front of her door too. I just don’t get it! Im fast running out of ideas, so she better go to sleep and stay asleep!

I'm Sorry

Not so long ago, I always made little faces at those who talked mainly about their kids. Part of it was that I was basically green with envy. The other part of me thought “man don’t you have anything else to talk about”? Now that I have my two girls, I have one thing to say to those I thought that about: Im sorry. I get it. My bad. Not having kids yourself, you really don’t get it. You may think you do, but you really don’t. My whole world revolves around my two gremlins, so basically everything is about them. Day in and day out, what I do is for them. I don’t go out and do things on my own very much, so a lot of my time is spent with my family. If Grant is working out of town for a few days, it’s just me and them. Any news I have, it’s usually about them. Nothing big happens in my life, so I rely on the new things that they do for conversation. Don’t get me wrong, I can still have a conversation that’s not about them, but it might have to be started by someone else otherwise I may not come up with anything. I try to keep up on what’s going on in the world, or … and let’s be honest…. what’s happening in the celebrity world. But even then by the time the girls go to bed, Im basically ready for sleep too. Even if Im not ready for bed, Id rather spend my time reflecting on what happened today or update the girls’ baby books. So if we’re talking and Im mainly talking about my girls, my bad. I try to not talk about them solely, but please understand… they are my life. The big news I may have is probably going to be related to them. If/once you have kids, you’ll totally get it.

Me Days

Today I was actually able to have a me day. I had taken the day off and with Grant at work and the girls at daycare, I didn’t have to worry about anything. At first, I had no idea what to do. But I found a few things It got me thinking though. I’m not sure if it was because now I’m a mom, if Grant is rubbing off on me, or if Im just getting older. But the mommy day I wanted today is drastically different than the me day I had 5 years ago. Before, I would be a couch potato and do basically nothing. THe most I would do is clean. Then it was watching movies all day. Now? On my mommy day, I got my hair cut, got a massage (oh was that HEAVENLY!), went to lunch with a friend of mine, went clothes shopping, and went to an eye appt. It was awesome! It felt great to be able to get out and enjoy the sunshine instead of being inside all day. Granted, I didn’t do any of the cleaning I was planning on doing, but that will be there tomorrow…and we all know tomorrow is another day. As much as I love being with my girls, having them to go to daycare so I could take a day off was much needed and well deserved. I read an article on Facebook one day that was titled something to the effect of “5 Things Your Daycare Wants You To Know” and it was these things that providers think. One of them was they don’t get when you bring your kids to daycare when you have the day off. Why wouldn’t you want to keep your kids at home. For me, the first and foremost reason is money. Im paying a crapton of money for my daycare, so I definitely want to get my monies worth. The second reason is social interaction. My girls don’t normally get to play with other kids, so being at daycare is great for them. They can play with kids more their ages and learn what’s ok and what isn’t. Third, mommy needs a break once in a while. I love my girls more than anything, but I still to make sure to take care of myself. Taking care of two kids under 3 is a lot of work. Even with the help of Grant, it’s tough. I have to make sure that I don’t get overwhelmed or Im going to go crazy. I need some time to recharge a little bit. Believe me, my girls would thank me for it. I think it’s very important for every mom to take time for herself. And if I hear a mom saying she never needs a break, Im calling shenanigans. Either she’s lying or she’s in denial. You need a break so you don’t lose yourself in your family. It’s easy to do. Thanks to today, I feel a little lighter and a little less pressured to be the perfect mom.

I Can't Wait!

So, Im reading this post from a mom of 2 that did a “yes day” where she said to basically everything. Of course there were some rules involved, but she was really surprised at the things her 6yr old wanted from her.  It got me thinking about when the girls get that age.  I cant wait until they start to understand thing like that and can reason things out.  Izzy being 2 is so much fun already and Kensi is getting more fun as she gets older.  There are some things that Grant and I disagree on, and Im sure that’s going to be a fun conversation.  One of them being tattoos and piercings.  I fully intend on being the one that buys them their first tattoo or piercing.  Hell, I wanted to pierce Izzy’s ears right away, but didn’t because Grant really didn’t want to.  But I have 8 piercings (nose, tongue, and ears) and 6 tattoos (ankles, tops of feet, arm, and small of my back), so how am I going to tell them they can’t do it?  I know I am the parent and they are my children, so it’s a “do as I say, not as I do” in some cases.  But I want my kids to experience things themselves too.  If they want a piercing, then Im down.  It can always be taken out later.  Tattoos are a little different, but as long as it’s not gross or offensive, then what the hell?  I fully intend to let them dye their hair too.  I don’t care if they want blonde, brown, pink, or purple…or all 4.  I’ve been dying my hair since I was 16 and I turned out just fine.  Granted, I didn’t do any of the crazy colors, but I see a lot of kids having those crazy colors and they love it.  Why not?  Hair grows back and dye can always be colored over.  I honestly don’t know how that’s all going to go down with Grant, but Im hoping he can be a little opened minded when I tell him how I feel about it.  There’s things that I know they’ll find ways of doing by themselves, and Id rather some of those things include me.  It’s a great mother/daughter bonding time getting your first tattoo, or piercing, or hair dyed.  I’m cherishing the fun we have now, and also looking forward to the great times ahead!

Why Is It Bad Now And Not Then?

Today I was hoping to take Ace to the dog grooming place to get all trimmed up. Grant’s at work and of course I have both girls. It’s our Monday Funday! Before I called his grooming place, I thought about the girls. What would I do with them? My first thought was to obviously bring them with and leave them in the Tibby while I ran in and dropped him off. Then I remembered an article I read online one day. It was about a woman who ran into Walmart and left her 5yr old in the van with an iPad to watch a movie. Someone who was in the parking lot saw her and called the cops on her for it. She got into some trouble and now has a mark on her record for it. Here’s what I don’t get: Why is it so ungodly horrible to leave a kid in a car while you run inside a store quick? Now don’t get me wrong, Im not talking leaving my girls in the Tibby while I go walk the mall for an hour. Im talking about those quick trips inside where you’re in the store for MAYBE 5 minutes and you can see the vehicle the whole time. Im always worried that Im going to get called on because I ran into the gas station to buy a pop and the girls are just chilling in the Tibby. Im not stupid, I’d have the vehicle running and the remote with me so they cant get out and no one could get in. They’d be safe and sound, and probably way more happy in there than they would be if I lugged them inside, only to be lugged back out less than 10 minutes later. I don’t see much difference in that versus the girls are downstairs playing while Im upstairs putting laundry away and changing their sheets. Either way Im not in their line of site and yet they’re just fine. I remember when I was a kid and wanting to stay in the car to watch people while my parent(s) ran into the store quick to grab something. I wasn’t scared, I wasn’t in any danger, and half the time I had more fun. I hate the fact that we’ve become such a “safe” society with our kids that we’re taking the phrase “it takes a village….” to the extreme and kids are so insanely coddled that they don’t learn by themselves. I really wish I didn’t have to worry about someone calling the cops on me because I left the girls in a fully air conditioned/heated Trailblazer for all of 10minutes while I ran into the store quick because it’s a lot more work to take them in and out for such a short time. I wish people would calm the hell down!

Oh My God, Quit Talking!

There are some days I am just so tired of Facebook. Ive thought about shutting it down many times, but I always end up keeping it. Mostly because I have a lot of family on there that wouldn’t get to see the girls any other way. There’s always going to be things that annoy me about it, but the one that gets me the most are the statuses. Poor grammar, putting punctuation in the wrong spots…those are things that I can get over. But the ones that get me the most are the ones that are the same type of thing over and over and over again. The ones that just scream “someone pay attention to me!”. I get that you get down in life. I get that sometimes you feel alone. I get that life gets just unbelievably hard. I get that… but if it’s getting to the point where you’re updating your post, and it’s that you life sucks or that your friends have stabbed you in the back every single time…maybe it’s time you take action instead of just bitching about it. You hate your job, change it. Your friends keep fucking you over, drop them. It’s not easy, and I know that. But nothing that’s worth doing is easy.

Us Time? What's That??

Both girls are in bed, and we’re winding down for the night. Grant is watching X-Files on Netflix, and Im obviously on the laptop. It’s our version of spending time together. While it may seem like we’re not having quality time, in our own way we are. I have my feet up on his lap and every once in a while he rubs them. There’s a difference between spending time together and just being in the same room. I like to think we have a nice in between. After we had Isabelle, we still managed to get that good quality time together. It may not have been a ton, but at least it was something. After having Kensi, it’s become even harder. We haven’t had a date night in a long time. People keep telling me that we need to keep doing that, but Im not sure that they realize how hard it is when you have two young girls under 3. Finding a sitter for one baby isn’t too bad, but finding a babysitter for 2 is that much harder. We don’t want to keep asking the same people over and over, and we don’t know any 16/17yr olds that we could ask either. So we have to find some creative ways to still spend time together. Marriages take some doing, as does any relationship. They don’t just happen; you have to work at them. Put the time and effort in it. Grant and I don’t always get along, but on the whole I think we do pretty ok. We’re together in the same room, but we’re not having long, in depth comversations. We’re ust enjoying each others company…and we’re ok with that!

Stay At Home Moms

Being home with my girls is my favorite thing to do. I’m off every Monday, and Grant works so it’s just the three of us. Well, 4 if you count Ace. It’s our day to do whatever. Some days we’ll have jammer day, some days we’ll have a Tinkerbell marathon, and some days (like today) we’ll have a radio day where the TV wont turn on at all. When they were both home sick for almost a week, it was heaven for me. But I can see where some moms would go batshit crazy, too. The days where Isabelle wants to push her boundries nonstop and Kensi feeling left out was enough to drive me to drink! It’s not easy. You need to have a lot of patience and tolerance for a screaming baby. I dont think there is an easier way to do it; whether you’re a stay at home mom or a working mom. Both have their difficulties. When you’re working, you miss your babies and want to be home with them. The hours they’re at daycare is almost torture in a way. When you’re staying home all the time, you dont really get a break. You’re there all. the. time. It can get exhausting. Besides making sure the girls are happy and getting enough to eat/drink, you also have all the household “chores” to get done too. When I had Isabelle, everyone told me not to worry about the housework, that it was more important to bond with my baby. I get that to a point, but I couldnt let it go too long. Because if I didnt do it that day, it’d be there for me the next day, and the next and the next…until I actually did it. I did let it go way more than I would have normally, but not as long as Im sure some people would. Ya, it’s important to bond with your new babies. But let’s face it, in reality the housework needs to get done. Unless you have a relative that’s going to come and cook and clean for you, it’s all on you. Im really good at making lists, so being home all day every day isnt that hard for me. I just make a list of the things I need/want to get done the next day. By no means am I saying that I’ve got this down pat and Im the best at it. Not by a long shot. Just saying that while being a working mom is tough, being a stay at home mom would be too. So kudos to all the moms out there; whether you’re working or not. Keep that chin up!

"I'll Always Love Him" Really??

Divorce in and of itself is way too high of a statistic in my book. And Im saying that being a divorcee also. One thing that really gets me about those that divorce, mainly celebrities because I hear about them most often, is when they say something like "We have decided to divorce. It was a hard decision to make, and I will always love him". Um no, if you decided to break up, it's because you dont love him anymore. I understand that there's a difference between being in love with someone and loving them. When you're in love with someone, you're still commited to them. You still are happy to see that person and cant imagine life without that person. Just loving them, maybe not quite as commited anymore but still really like being with them. But if you decided you're no longer going to spend the rest of your life with them, you're not going to love them forever. You might have feelings for them for a little longer, but the love isnt going to stay. Even if you have a child together. Doesnt mean you'll still love them after they're gone. If you're going to break up, be real about it. Im tired of hearing the "I'll always love him" bit. Just say it... "I dont like him anymore" cuz that's the truth. Dont try and pretty it up.
You dont have to be a douche canoe about it, though. It's not a bad thing to say you dont love them, but you also dont need to start bashing them either. I dont need to hear all the things that went wrong, or all the things he did wrong. I really dont need to hear how small his penis is or that he was horrible in bed. Those things should be keep within the relationship. All you're doing is airing your dirty laundry and looking like a bitch. You arent happy in the relationship, that's fine. Break up, and move on. End of story.

A Test of Patience

My Isabelle, my firstborn, my goofy girl...  she is the happiest and silliest 3 year old that I know!  She makes me smile and laugh every day.  There's not too many times where she actually gets into serious trouble where actual consequences need to happen.  She's only had to be put in a time out a couple times, and the paddles she gets aren't all that serious.  But today, oh today was a little different.  My brother and his 4 year old son got her a really nice Winnie the Pooh story book that had about 10 stories in it.  It had a really nice cover and the page sides that you see were gold painted.  It's the kind of book that you keep around for your kids for a long time.  I've read both the girls stories from it, and I made sure to tell them that they can't play with it.  It's not a toy, it's a story book only mommy or daddy can read from.  So I'm in the shower.  Usually when I'm showering, they're just playing upstairs or watching one of their shows.  I didn't turn on the TV for them this time, and man oh man I wish I would have.  I get out, get dressed and hear them in their room.  I go in there, and all I see are pages..pages everywhere!  While I was showering, Isabelle was going through each page and tearing it out.  She had gotten through half the book before I found her.  The first thing I thought was JESUS FUCKING CHRIST! But what I actually said was "WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?!?!"  When she hears that question in that certain tone of voice, she knows she's in trouble.  This time was no exception...after I exclaimed it, she went bolting for a hiding place.  I've never really had to count to 10 before, but this time I had to.  I was really close to just blowing a couple of gaskets.  After I get ahold of my emotions, I had her come over to me, and I chastised her and told her that what she did was really naughty.  She hates being told that she's naughty so she starts crying and saying that she's good.  I had to hold my own, and tell her that no, this was naughty.  I make her go sit on her bed while I change Kensi and decided what to do.  After I was done, I made her pick up each page and bring it to me.  After she was done, I asked her if she knew what she did wrong.  She pointed to the pages and I made her tell me that ripping the pages was naughty.  She said sorry mama and sat on the bed until I told her it was ok to get up.  I keep going back through it to make sure I wasn't too hard on her, but I wasn't.  She needed to know that what she did was wrong and there will be consequences to her misbehaving.  Score one for mama, but it still heartbreaking to make her cry!