"Old School" Parenting Is Hard!

Doing laundry today, and I put the girls' clothes on Kensi's bottom bunk. Our rule is that even though they have school, they still have to put their own clothes away on laundry day. It got me thinking about the "rules" and things we have for the house. Sunday being the girls' "clean room" day, Wednesday and the weekend is laundry day so they put their own clothes away, doing dishes every night after supper...ect. Some days I worry that I'm putting too much on them too fast. But the other part of me says that they're old enough to handle some responsibility. There are a lot of days that they go without doing dishes and sometimes I put their clothes away for them. I'm not like a drill sergeant in that respect.

But we also have "rules" that I'm sure not a lot of other kids have. The girls won't get cell phones for a long while yet. Grant and I both don't see a reason for them to have them this young...or for the next few years. I know the argument is what if something happens to them, or parents want to know when they're getting home from school and such like that. I get it. For us, it doesn't really seem to be an issue. Living literally across from the school negates a lot of the reasons why I'd consider giving them a phone.  With the rise and huge success of technology, it seems like faces are buried in phones or tablets or some sort of screen like never before. Growing up in the birth of technology has me in an interesting position. On the one hand, I remember what life was like without all of it, and a lot of it was good. We played outside almost constantly, whether we wanted to or not. If we wanted to find out if our friends can come out and play, we went over to their house and asked. If I wasn't home by the time I should be, I had a search party or landline network after me. Life was just so much simpler.

Now, I feel like Grant and I are the odd parents out. So many kids have phones/tablets/iPads and we have no desire to get them one. I started swaying over to the tablet side recently because I'm scared we're going to hear "but all my friends have one" pretty soon. It's always been a worry of mine, and I'm not sure how we're going to solve it yet. The girls just don't need one. Yes, it helps with education, and it is just fun....but they can get those by playing other ways too. If their friends want to get ahold of them, then they can call the "house phone", which right now is my cell. I would like to get an actual landline for that reason at some point. Plus, I'm always at home right now. Even when William gets into school, I don't plan on going back to work like full time. It'll be enough to help with the bills, but I'll still be home to get them off to school and be back by the time they're done.

Punishments are also a delicate balance nowadays too. What used to be considered discipline is now looked at as abuse. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not talking about the straight up beating kids or smacking them around. No, I'm talking about the butt swats, or spankings if that's what you prefer to call it. Yes, there is a fine line between the two, but it seems like no matter how you say it or what context you put it in, if anyone so much as HEARS that your hand connected to your child's butt or back of the head, then you should have CPS called on you. I'm not about that. I give my kids a butt swat if they need one. I have never left a mark and it's never hurt so bad they couldn't sit down, so calm down people.

Rewards seem to have astronomically increased too! I never got stickers or a sticker chart for being good. It was expected of me to be good. If I wasn't, there was consequences. I learned quick what was acceptable and what was not. I don't remember ever getting a reward for good grades or anything like that. Now it seems like a kid says "excuse me" after farting and people want to throw them a damn parade. It's no wonder that kids are turning out to be little shits. It amazes me that I read/hear so much of parents that are just IRATE that their kid didn't win something when someone else was better. My little brother told me a story of why the school "store" was shut down, and I was just dumfounded. In a nutshell, because a kid stole something and the teacher got in trouble because of it. How does that make any logical sense? It doesn't, that's how.

I never want our kids to think that the world revolves around them. It doesn't. Kids need to work for what they want. Life isn't a silver platter to be given because they're breathing. I should hope that the more we can get back to "basics" of parenting, the better off we'll be. But I'm pretty doubtful that'll ever happen. If nothing else, it'll happen in our house.

Why get dressed?

Today is Wednesday, which means it's my cleaning day. The day where I clean the house from top to bottom. I basically do all the house chores that I had as a kid. I realized that unless I take a day and just totally clean the house, I don't keep up with it as much.

Cleaning day also means I don't really go anywhere. I think the farthest I go is to the mailbox and back. Unless something happens, I really don't leave the house. Well hell, I don't leave the house much anyway. I go to town here and there with William, but mostly I'm at home all the time.

As I was getting dressed, I had a thought. What's the point of getting dressed if I know I'm not going anywhere. Seems like such a waste of clean clothes to me. Being the one that does laundry, that means more laundry I need to do. I know, I know....what if something happens and I do need to be seen? I do get dressed every day, just in case. But some days it's hard. I mean, no one is going to see me so why put in all that effort? Especially if I know Grant isn't going to be home anyway. It's not like I have anyone I need to impress. So far, really the only time I had a spontaneous trip to town is on the weekends when Grant's home and he just randomly asks me if I'm ready to go. I've learned that trick in the 12 years we've been together. I don't get a lot of notice that we're leaving. But during the week....it's mostly just me and William.

But I am showered. I am dressed. I am ready for the day. Now....let's go house...it's you and me baby!!

I can't wait, but yet I can...

I put William down for a nap, and I was sitting on the couch working on Kensi's blanket. I started thinking about the kids and how big they're getting. As I was crocheting, I let my mind wander about all the things they're going to or have already experienced, and how excited I am to be apart of all of that.

Mainly for the girls since...ya know, since I am one... but I can't wait to go through all fun and exciting times with them. Their first kiss, getting asked to prom, weddings....everything. Also, I am grateful to also go through the bad things with them; failing a test/getting a bad grade, a boy doesn't like them back, or getting their hearts broken for the first time. There is just so much that they will experience, and I can't wait to go through it all with them....

But I also don't want that all to happen too fast. Going through all that with them also means we're getting older. I am absolutely petrified of growing old and dying. Have been for a long time. I try not to be, but I can't help it. Not knowing what's on the "other side" is really what gets me. That, and not seeing how things turn out. I'm not sure I'll ever be ready for the big milestones in their life! They're always going to be my babies. I'm sure my Dad thinks that about me, too. Must be a parent thing. :)

It's an interesting balance, but it'll all work out in the end. I want them to go through life and be the best they can be. I also want them to know that no matter what, they can always come to Mom with anything. William can come and be comfortable saying "So, Mom....there's this girl...." and know I'm not going to freak out, at least in front of him. The girls can come up to me and say "Mom, a boy said that a boy and girl...." and know that I'm going to explain it to them, plain and simple. There's so much for them to learn and to do, and I can't wait to experience it with them.....just as long as it doesn't come too quickly  ☺️

No, I don't want to take my kids to town...

I've always prided myself on the fact that whenever someone babysits my kids, they always tell me how great they were. I've never heard of any of them being naughty. With them being 6,5, and 2, I find that either pretty impressive or really hard to believe. I like to believe that my kids are that good and that nobody is lying to me.

But lately, whenever either Grant and I or just me bring the kids to town for shopping, it's been an absolute nightmare. We average about 2 or 3 stops each time, so it's not like it's an insane amount. It seems like they forget how to act and behave in public. The girls either fight, whine, or Kensi tries to basically climb up my body so I can hold her. She's 5 so it's not like I'm carrying her around everywhere we go. I don't hold her much anymore because she's getting too heavy for me. Isabelle, being 6, hardly ever gets held now. I mean, they're big girls, they don't need me to be holding them. But for some reason, Kensi still tries to get me to hold her because "I'm tired!". Which, ya kid, I feel you. BBUUUTTTT you have a working pair of legs....let's use them, shall we?

Isabelle either wants something and if she doesn't get her way, then she becomes belligerent and at times the attitude comes out in spades. She's normally pretty ok, but when the two get together, it's hard to keep them happy and calm. They play off of each other so much that if one starts in, the other one follows suit in short order. It's getting maddening. The ability to listen just plummets the minute we get out of the car. They're good for the walk in, but then it all goes downhill fast. I don't know how many time I say "don't touch that." or "come on, keep up with us" or "put that back!" or "quit running around!". I feel like we're totally being those parents. You know what I'm talking about. The ones you see basically fighting with the kids the entire time they're shopping and you shake your head at them while you think, "Why doesn't she do something about her kids?". Well, I do. I try. But it's hard to threaten (and not an empty one, one that we follow through with) to take away toys and such when they really just don't care. Grant and I took away all of their toys one time, and they didn't seem to care much. They made toys and babies out of things like pillows and any household item they could find. The not letting them watch their Netflix/Hulu shows seems to have had an impact so there's that.

It's now to the point where we just don't want to take them to town with us when we go. It's exhausting, frustrating, and just straight up not fun. Grant and I talked about what we could do and have come up with a few ideas. One of them being when we're all out and the girls, or if it's just one of them, start acting up and wont behave, I'll just take them to the car immediately and we can sit in silence until Grant's done. It will suck for me (and I'd be the one taking them out because Grant would have to pay) because I have to sit in the car with a pissed off kid, but it's the legwork that needs to be done. I've started to reward good behavior a little bit here and there as well. This morning, Kensi got an icee after breakfast because she ate all her toast and she had been listening really well. Isabelle did not get one because she had all of like 10 bites, and she actually counted them, of her cereal and was not listening very well. Oh, Isabelle did not like that one bit, but I think it might help get through to them that we're done with this not listening shit.

Bedtime has gotten better too. They were little terrors for a while, and Grant and I were at a loss. But I read to Kensi in her bed, and that seems to help. Before, Kensi would go to bed at 7p, and Isabelle at 7:30p. Well, Kensi kept herself awake until Isabelle went to bed, then she would instigate a play session, and they'd get all amped up again. But I found that if we kept Kensi going to bed at 7p, and pushing back Isabelle's to 8p, that seemed to help. It was a long enough time in between that Kensi couldn't stay awake. Isabelle stays up a bit longer for quiet time, which is just basically watching our show with Grant and I, or just me. Then at 7:30p, Isabelle gets her school book and she reads that, then we do a bedtime story, I go into her room with her and sing her "Izzy's song" bedtime song, and that's that. It's been working really well! So at least we've got that figured out for the most part. I'm sure things will come up, but we'll have to cross that bridge when we get to it.

We're going to have to go to town again soon, so that will give us a chance to try these new things and hope they work! We'd love to take the kids out to lunch and make it into a fun trip. We want going to town to be fun for them, and for us. Cross your fingers that we can get them to shape up!

Bring on the beach/lakes!!



I did something.

Something that I haven't even wanted to do in a long time.

 

I bought two new bikinis. That's right, Two. Bikinis.

 

The last swimsuit I bought was one that was a two piece, but it had a piece of fabric covering my stomach. That was like 90% of the reason that I bought it. I wanted something that would cover my baby pooch. Don't get me wrong, I really like that swimsuit. The bottoms are one of my favorite ones that I have. Here's what it looked like on me:

 

 

 

But I no longer feel like I have to cover up my midsection. I have worked super hard. I have had many, many backslides. I have had tears. I have had triumphs, but I am finally at a place where I like what I see when I look in the mirror.

 

I used to look and see only the muffin tops above my jeans. I just couldn't see passed them. But now when I get dressed for the day, I don't see them anymore. Now I see a smoother waistline, and that makes me super happy. Granted, I probably will never be fully comfortable in my own skin, but I have taken a huge step forward! Buying these suits is a big step, and one that I take damn near dancing a jig!

 

It was, and still is, hard work. Having to watch how much I eat is super tough for me. I have been eating wayyyy more than I should be for many years. It won't just change overnight. But I've been doing good. When I started really working on myself, I weighed roughly 150lbs (and on my 5'4'' frame that was kinda big). I just weighed myself and now I'm down to 133lbs. You guys, I haven't been that low in a REALLY long time!!

 

It's going to take a lot more work and motivation and will power and self disciple, but man let me tell you! Looking at these pictures sure gets me motivated to keep it up until I no longer have to eat as much as humanly possible!!

 

 





The (Weight) Struggle Is Real

It's no secret how much I love food. If I really like it, I'll eat until I'm so over stuffed. But I've been really working hard on that. My biggest weakness is finishing the kids' plates if they didn't eat everything. I always seem to have the thought that it's so wasteful or that it's just a little left. Well, a little left x 3 = a lot left.

I've tried different things to try and curb that. I give them less portions so that there's nothing left on the plates. That didn't always work.

I tried eating after them so that I hadn't eaten anything yet and counted that as part of my meal. That didn't work either.

I have found that really the only way I can stop myself from doing that is to put it away before I get super tempted to eat it. Like today at lunch. I made myself a nice diced chicken salad with some garden fresh lettuce and parsley. I had some bacon bits, cheese, and ranch too and it made a really good salad. It was more than enough for me considering I haven't really been all that active today. Granted, it's only noon, but still. I didn't need to already be spending the calories I hadn't yet burned. I don't feel hungry, I feel a bit full, and my stomach is happy with me. In no way, shape, or form did I need to start eating William's portion that he didn't touch. I looked at it, I told myself no way, I pushed the plate away from me....and I still start taking small bites. So before I could convince myself not to, I quick put it all away! The girls both ate theirs so I didn't have that added temptation. For me, the mentality of "out of sight, out of mind" really helps. If I can get it in the fridge, chances are I'll forget about it.

I'll be starting to move things that are in the basement into the garage so I'm sure I'll need some sort of snack later. We're trying to finish the basement and there are a lot of stuff that is in the way. Since I have no idea how much I'll burn or anything, I don't need to be eating anything else to gear up for it. All I have to do is start doing the stuff, and just keep a check on myself. Bring my water down with me, and I'll be set!

It's super hard to not over eat. But every day, if I can do one small thing that helps, I consider that a win!

You don't have to make big leaps and bounds. Small steps do just as good!

Take Care of Business

Yesterday I was getting on Isabelle for doing a chore the first time I asked and not half assing it. She has a habit of half assing a chore so that she can get done faster. I keep telling to take care of business so that she can get it done the first time around and not have to keep coming back to redo it. I asked on Twitter if your family had a motto, what would it be? Mine is "take care of business" since I say it a lot.

It works for a ton of different things, and it's something I've really started to take to heart in the last year or so. For me, it was when I started trying to lose weight. One day I was looking in the mirror and doing the "ugh, I hate how I look..." routine and I just thought well, no one is going to be able to do this for me, I have to do it myself. It's that simple. No one can change what you don't like in your life. It's up to you.

You want to lose weight? Take care of business.

You haven't gone through your closet like you keep meaning to? Take care of business.

You want to tone up? Take care of business.

You miss a friend you haven't talked to in a while? Take care of business.

You haven't gotten the kid's clothes organized and ready for the donation bin/garbage/sell? Take care of business.

The big kahuna: You don't like how your life is going? Take care of business.

Nobody can fix your problems. You have to. If you're going into debt, ask yourself what can you do stop it. Can you get a new job? Move to a cheaper place? Sell some things that you really don't need?

Grant and I did this many years ago, and it's finally paying off. We are finally to the point where we could go out and find a babysitter (paid or not) for the night, but we still choose to put our money towards bills. We are finishing the basement and that's going to entail a lot. We have to replace the furnace and also move it. If you had asked us 10 years ago if we could do this, we would have laughed in your face. There's no way. We started our relationship with me really in debt. Part of that was handling my money really badly, part of it was because of my marriage/divorce from my ex.

It took us having to sit down and do a literal spreadsheet of all of our finances and figure out what we were going to do. We had to take care of our own business. No one else was going to do it for us. We buckled down and did what had to be done.

With my weight, I finally got to a point where I just looked at myself and decided enough was enough. There's a lot of diets and teas and powders and stuff like that that damn near guarantees results. But for me, I decided to go simple. I asked myself one question: "Do I really need to eat basically 2 helpings for every meal?". The answer was also simple: No. I eat too much. For the amount of food I was eating, I was not doing near enough activity to warrant it. I was eating like I was climbing mountains and running marathons. Instead of going full force, I figured smaller was better. I started eating smaller portions and only one helping of food. It sounds so simple, but for me it's so hard. I love to eat. I love food. When I eat something that I really enjoy, I will keep eating it until I'm so stuffed I want to vomit. That's not an exaggeration either. I'd eat super fast so I could eat more before I realized I was full. By then, it was too late. So I started with that. It has helped TREMENDOUSLY! Once I started getting better at that, I started going for walks more. It helps that the kids LOVE going for walks. I started getting more active. Starting is the easy part, it's continuing that's the hard part. But I want it bad enough. I love that I look in the mirror and don't see muffin tops around my waist. I see a smoother waist. I'm by no means perfect, and my body isn't model ready, let me tell you. But I'm happier with myself than I have been in a long time and I want to keep that feeling!

My advice to anyone trying to change anything about themselves or their lives is this: Start small, but start. Every journey begins with a single step, and you can't get to where you wan to be without some legwork.

Old vs New

Wow, I haven't written here in a long time! I've been meaning to, but life just gets in the way sometimes.

So for the last couple of Sundays, I have been helping my Dad clean out his basement so he can redo it. It takes an entire afternoon to get a room clear, so we have really good talks during. We talk a lot about parenting because I parent like he did. The things that I've told him just boggles his mind. But it got me thinking about my parenting style versus almost everyone else's. I like to think of myself as "old school" in a lot of ways. One of the ways I don't necessarily think that way is about Facebook. There was an article (that I have yet to actually read...oops!) where the headline really got to me and got me thinking. It was about a teenager who had just gotten her own Facebook and when she friended her Mom, she saw all the posts that her mother had been posting....about her. The parts that I saw said that she felt embarrassed by it.

I post daily about my life as a stay at home mom and my thoughts. I've never thought twice about it! But now that Isabelle is getting to the age where she understands a lot, that article really made me stop and think about the pictures and things I've been posting about her and Kensi and William. To me, Facebook is about keeping connected with family and letting them see how we're doing. It's also about helping and giving advice to those who are maybe just starting to have kids, or went from 1 to 3 in a short time like I did. It's letting people in on what I'm doing. My life has always been an open book, maybe sometimes more than it should be. I've always felt that if you're friends with me on there, then you really want to know what's going on in my life. If not, well then I guess just unfriend me.

So, one day I sat her down and showed her Facebook and gave her a kind of rundown of what it was. I try and ask if it's ok that I show people some pictures of her. She said it was. I have absolutely no idea if it'll ever make a difference down the road, but at least she's aware that other people are seeing pictures of her. She doesn't seem bothered by it now, and hopefully she never will be.

I thought about deleting Facebook, but we seem to  now live in a world where people don't really call each other or send letters anymore. Hell, I haven't actually had a full conversation that wasn't on Facebook with my best friend since the middle of March. We used to talk damn near every day. I, myself, am really bad at calling my brother's that live in different states to catch up because after working in call centers for nearly a decade, I'm not a big fan of talking on the phone. I still send letters to my Grandma in IA, but not very often anymore...mostly at Christmas time. I really should get a letter out to her soon.

I don't delete Facebook because if I do, then I would lose touch with A LOT  of friends and family. I really enjoy Facebook for that reason so I keep it. It's one technology that I really enjoy. I like that she can see pictures of her cousins that she doesn't get to see all the time, or her Aunts and Uncles. She stops me a lot to look at a picture or video that caught her eye. It makes me feel better posting things if she knows about it and knows what I'm talking about lol buuut I'm not excited for her asking for a phone and such.....that can wait until she's like 30!!