It's been said a lot that once you get to your third or fourth child, that you just let them do whatever because the first two have beaten you down so much. While it was more intended to be funny, there is a lot of truth to that!
I see the differences in my kids. My 7 year old is totally capable of doing things for herself. She has that want to learn and do for herself, which definitely helps. My 6 year old can do things for herself, but she would rather have me or my husband do them for her sometimes. My 3 year old doesn't want to do anything for himself. When I had Isabelle, being my first, she started doing chores and dressing herself and brushing her own teeth as soon as she was remotely able to. Kensi, too, started doing things like that right away. Part of that was because they are so close in age (16 months), that once Isabelle was ready, Kensi was too. With William being 3 years behind Kensi, he has had a major pass in that department. Part of the reason was because he is our last "baby" so I tended to do more for him because I kept seeing him as a baby. Another reason is because the first two keep me so busy that milestones got passed without me noticing. At 7 months, he wasn't sitting up by himself and I realized he was leaning against me when he should have been sitting. It hit me that he was 7 months old and wasn't doing anything he should have been. I was told a lot that all kids are different, but I know for a fact that part of the reason he has been so behind in things was because we never started working with him when we should have.
Even now, being 3 years old, he's not talking as well as he should be. I hear boys are later talkers, and also having big sisters that are super helpful isn't helping either. But at 3, he should be speaking in sentences, whether broken or full. He's just started saying things like "Mama, Ninum in sunroom.". We had gotten him all set up for Preschool and Speech Therapy, but everything shut down for COVID when he was supposed to start. We work with him too, but we should have started with him much earlier. He starts Preschool/Speech Therapy in a couple weeks, so I'm super happy for him. He'll get to make friends and see how kids his own age can talk. I'm really hoping that will also kick start the speech for him and he'll catch up a little quicker.
With starting Preschool, I also realized that he hasn't been doing much for himself in the way of dressing or brushing his teeth. I'm just so used to getting him dressed and brushing his teeth that I don't think twice about doing it. The girls have their "morning chores'' as I call them. Every morning after breakfast, they have to get dressed, brush their teeth, make their beds, and brush their hair. It's the same every morning so they know what to do. William hasn't had to do any of that. I decided since he's going to have more of a routine being in school, he really should start that. Yesterday and today, I tried to get him to pick up his toys, dress himself, and make his bed. Those were almost epic fails. He's balking at doing it, but I'm guessing (and hoping) it's because he's just not used to doing it. Once we get into that school routine, and with the girls doing it too, he'll get into that rhythm. The girls start next Wednesday and he starts the Monday after that. I'm hoping that he'll get into it more once they start.
It's hard not to feel like I'm failing him. He's been at least a year behind on almost everything from walking to talking to feeding himself to crawling to whatever else. At the core of it, it's because I didn't start getting him to sit up by himself until he was like 7 months old. Some days, I just look at him and feel so sad because I fear that he'll be behind his whole life. I know I'm taking it to the extreme a little bit, but it's hard not to feel like that sometimes. I'm not beating myself up on a daily basis or anything, but there are times where I see other kids his age doing way more than he is, and that makes me feel a bit sad. But now that we understand and accept that he needs help, we're getting him that help, and hopefully the rest will follow.
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