With each of my pregnancies, I have loved almost every part of them. The bigger belly, the movement, being able to rub my tummy, cravings (when I did get them)...ect. But now that William is out, I can totally tell that I'm ok with being done having kids. Back when Grant and I first talked about having kids, I told him I wanted a big family; so like 5 kids. He, of course, looked ready to pass out and said 3 was his max. Anyone that knows me knows that I am the only girl of 5 kids. I loved having older brothers and many of them. Granted, there were times where they got on my nerves and I've always wished I had a sister, but I still am very grateful that I came from a big family. But my how things change. I've read different articles like "How You Know You're Done Having Kids" and none of them really rang true for me. Even now, I don't agree with some of them. So here are the ways I know I'm done having kids:
1 - My pregnancy wasn't as fun. Although I still loved feeling him move and kick, and being able to rub my tummy, I just didn't enjoy it like I had with the girls. I was only halfway through and getting ready to be done being pregnant. I still enjoyed the small things and am very blessed that I was able to carry and birth 3 healthy babies, I just couldn't wait until it was over. Not being able to drink alcohol or go out got to me way more than with the girls too. I know I could have gone out with friends being pregnant, but I always felt weird about it.
2 - I cant wait to get all healed up. When I had my girls, I was almost startled when I would realize that I didn't hurt as much or that I wasn't bleeding anymore. With William, I'm damn near counting the days until I'm back to 100%. I want to be able to run and exercise and just do all the stuff I haven't been able to. I'm in way more of a hurry to get better than I was before.
3 - The idea of getting pregnant again isn't as exciting. When I had Izzy, I was pretty ready to go again pretty soon after. After having Kensi, it took a bit more time, but I knew I wanted to have another baby. Now after having William, I don't relish the idea of getting pregnant again. If we did have an oops and I did get pregnant, I would be happy to bring another baby into the world and I would not love that baby any less. That being said, I still want to actively prevent that from happening again.
4 - I miss my girls and pre-pregnant me. I know what you're probably thinking; "you see them every day!". But what I mean is that I miss being able to play with them on the floor. Lay down on my stomach and color with them..things like that. I haven't been able to do that in a long time. I play with them as much as I can, and I can finally get on the floor again and be comfortable, but I still cant really lay on my stomach. Since I'm pumping, my boobs get way too full or start to hurt and I end up having to move basically right away. I cant wait until we can do that again. I miss my body too. I was just getting into shape and losing weight when I got pregnant with William. I was starting to finally feel good about how I looked. I'll get there again, but now I don't want to lose that...vain as that may sound. I miss feeling pretty and beautiful and I miss seeing Grant look at me when he doesn't think I notice. I don't want to give that up again.
I thought of more in the shower this morning, but that's all I could remember :) Part is me is really sad that we're done because we have so much love to give, but part of me is really happy at the same time. Now we can really get back to our "new normal" and be able to start doing things again as a family. We can really make memories and I don't feel like I'm slowing anyone down. Being pregnant 3 times in 4 years...I'm just burned out on being pregnant. I'm happy with our 3 beautiful/handsome children and my heart is happy. That's all a mother could ask for!
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