Old Friends

Some days I tend to live my life in the past more than I should.  I'll be doing something mundane like folding laundry and catch myself thinking of how things used to be or how I wish things would have been.  One of the things I had been thinking about is friends giving me shit through the years.  Hasn't happened so much anymore, and I think that's because I have better friends than I did.  And I don't mean better as in they were horrible people, but just that they weren't good friends for me to have with the type of person I am.  I'm sensitive.  I sometimes take things to heart even though I know I shouldn't.  Growing up with 4 brothers, I like to think I am/can be "one of the guys".  I can take a lot of ribbing, and I can dish it out.  But what has always bothered me is when the same people do the same thing or say the same thing over and over again every time I see them.  I had these two friends who did that constantly, even though I never really saw it.  It wasn't until Grant and I got together (even though we weren't telling people yet) and he pointed it out to me.  He did because it used to piss him off to no end, and after a while he just couldn't take it anymore.  I remember when he got me to see it.  We were at a bar with these friends and out came the "I have to give you shit because you're you." and "Oh you know I have to give you shit" type of comments before or after the comment itself.  It made Grant so mad that he actually got up and said "I cant watch you belittle her like that anymore" and walked out of the bar.  I jumped up, bewildered, and ran after him.  Once he told me why, I of course defended them and said they didn't mean any of it.  But he told me to actually listen to what they say the next time we hang out....and I did.  I was a bit shocked.  There were more of those backhanded compliments and put downs disguised as humor and giving me shit.  I'm not friends with them anymore, and it's not because they're bad people...just that I don't have that type of personality.  I cant take hearing them over and over and over again because I'll start to believe what they're saying is true.  I used to miss their friendship, but not really anymore.  Now, I have good friends who compliment me...and mean it!  It's hard to keep up with friendships when our lives have gone different ways in some cases...but at least I know that they wont put me down, but instead build me up.  At least when I think back to those friendships, it's not because I want the friendship again, but because it basically told me what kind of friends I need in my life.